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Letters

Of the Unlikely to be Ever Sent Kind

Dad,

I wonder if the timebomb in your brain is also ticking along in mine. True, I don't have your anger, your despair, your sense of frustration. I am not lost.

I don't fear many things anymore, but I cannot pretend that I'm not terrified at the thought of the desintegration of my mind. Not if it happens as it happened to you - suddenly, but in a gradual loss through disease.

I know I am not always well, and it scares me when I begin to lose memories, places. When I forget where I am, or what the name of the person I am talking to is. When I forget the words I knew a moment ago, the words I use all the time and cannot remember them in any language.

When I get the cluster headaches, when I get dizziness and ringing in my ears and the dark well that I tumble into.

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rainsinger
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