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Just spent half an hour arsing around with my computer in the attempts to install the new (slower than ever!) AOL 8. Done it. wooo hoooooo.

i am falling into dangerously lethargic states that come from not having a job and not having family to dodge. i have been eating whatever is in the fridge (have yet to make a shopping expedition) which at this moment in time is 1 carrot, a bit of cheese and about half a jar of capers.
the capers really are not at all bad.

i dont know what is wrong with me. i think allthis is a product of brainwashing by my aunt where she has been repeating that i need a job in order to have structure in my life and that without a job i shall fall apart.

now i just need to gather my braincells and prove her wrong.

i need to go out and do things because it is too easy not to. there are lots of things to do. such as go out and see *the man who sued god * for instance. it is meant to be good, one day viewing only, cinema is close to me. i could also go out and do things like buy water, juice, some basic foodstuffs needed for my own survival. register with a GP. all these without a doubt would be truly useful things to do.

and i feel like after the antihistamine experiment when everythign seemed so much effort and i was in this semi asleep state. just drifting. it was almost like i was in a coma. and i did think about doing stuff, like getting up, moving, forming a coherent thought but it all seeemd to be too much effort and also laughable somehow. as though my brain was wrapped in the grandmother of all cannabis fogs.

shalll go do stuff. shall stop procrastinating. i havent procrastinated this much since my dissertation.

On top of which i have lost five free cell games in a row.
Unthinkable.
Despodence.

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