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I've been mourning the end of my love affair.
I've never been very good with endings, not even the ones you know are coming sooner or later.

We spent good time, he and I, and we loved each other as well and as completely in the moments we were actually together as two human beings can.

He loved me and my body, and my body and I loved him back. He treated me as though I were a gift, and I knew him for a gift, and that what we had seemed all the more precious for its impermanence. Like the arc of colours that occurs sometimes in the meeting or rain and light.

I have no regrets. Beyond not being able to freeze time, or have more time, or stay in a moment forever.

I... miss him, that's all. And it hurts, that missing.

And the fear that I'll not come across his like again soon, and be able to be wholly myself with someone and ask no questions and make no promises beyond Tonight? and maybe Tomorrow.

Goodbye took us full circle - the sequence of our first meeting played out in reverse - a staircase and steps retreating until the last thing that stayed was the smiles cast into space.

I know if I see him again, it will be just a prelude to a long goodbye, but I want another moment damnit. To make love, and be held, to laugh and talk in the afterglow and feel the connection, the fusion of our beings in the space between us.


I seem to have been in telepathic communication with the radio all night.

A song came on that I hadn't heard in a while, and I have no idea who it is by but the words resonated. (It's a lovely song actually, although like so many things it sounds better in Serb, the tongue of angels)

Bud nezan (Be gentle)
Trajali bi mi (We would have lasted)
Samo da je duzi bio dan (If only the day had been longer)

I budi nezan (And be gentle)
Budi nezan (Be gentle)
Sad kao nekada (Now, as you were then)


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 26th, 2004 04:03 am (UTC)
*hates endings, and is less mature than you*
Jun. 27th, 2004 01:12 am (UTC)
Re: *hates endings, and is less mature than you*
cheers :)
love the emoticons.
Jun. 26th, 2004 04:41 pm (UTC)
That's a beautiful song.

And I'm sorry :(
Jun. 27th, 2004 01:13 am (UTC)
me too.

thanks for the sympathy vibes though. :)

Jun. 27th, 2004 02:59 pm (UTC)
Sympathy is easy when it's people I like who are hurting!

If there's anything I can ever do, just ask, just ask.
Jun. 27th, 2004 03:31 pm (UTC)
will do :)

At some point it may be something likie, Want to keep me company while I sniffle into the alcohol of my forefathers?
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )


deep sky, firefly

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