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Only in the Balkans...

Ok, I consider this simply too priceless and fabulous (even in translation) not to share with everyone.

It's A school homework about autumn written by an 11/12 year old Montenegran boy and printed in a Yug newspaper under the title Grandfather chased grandmother with an axe and uncle killed a stork; she fought like a person.

I half wish I was making this up by I am not.



Autumn has arrived in our town. More people have died. I feel sorry for them although Zivko Orlandija doesn’t. He often says that that’s how things ought to be. Although when mum was throwing things at his brother he didn’t think that way.

Housewives are making ready with winter stores of food. I am happy. The town if full of leaves and father says that garbage men are cunts because this is the third autumn already that they do fuck all. This autumn we’ve had a lot of power cuts, and mum says that Electrodistribution people are shits, although she didn’t think that way when we had lots of electricity.
(…)

This autumn too birds have headed south. Storks and sparrows and nightingales and all the others. I feel sorry for them because they are small and unprotected so delinquents can kill them dead. Grandfather says that they are the bird proleteriat, although he didn’t think that way when a stork shit on our VW Beetle and he gave chase to Spadijerski Peak. Grandfather broke his leg on that occasion and Uncle Vlado killed the stork a few days later with his bare hands.

He says she fought like a human. I was sorry for her and for grandfather who’d broken a leg. Although I feel sorrier for the stork because grandfather is alive and the stork isn’t, and I think the stork would be happier if Uncle Vlado had fractured a leg and she had killed Grandfather on Spadiejerski Peak. Although I’d be sadder. I think it would have been best if Uncle Vlado had shit on the Grandfather’s Beetle and that Grandfather killed him with an axe, like he wanted to do with Grandmother once and leave the stork stay out of it. That’s because Uncle Vlado (may cancer consume him) hit me on the head when I farted in front of the CEO of Obod and he was ashamed of me. Ever since he killed the storm he is even more loathsome to me.

My cousin Vojo has bought firecrackers from Paljevic family in Lower Field. They don’t have money for bread so they sell firecrackers. I feel sorry for them. Grandmother says they are good people, although she didn’t think so when they set fire to the garage where Grandfather and his friends were playing cards for money. I am also fond of autumn on account of Uncle Veljo who should be arriving from the ships. He is a wealthy man and a handsome one. Every time he brings with him from the ships a new aunt, and then goes back onto the boat. Afterwards we have trouble kicking them (the aunts) out of the house. Nedjo says to send those women to him because he feels sorry about them being yelled at by mother all day. Although he didn’t think that way when he gambled away three salaries in Pechin and he had to move in with us.

I don’t know what else to write about autumn. Except that I love it and that its fruits give us children vitamins so that we can be strong.

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
livemeat
Jun. 2nd, 2004 07:28 am (UTC)
wtf......?
That’s because Uncle Vlado (may cancer eat him) hit me on the head when I farted in front of the CEO of Obod and he was ashamed of me.

O~O bizarre
dubaiyan
Jun. 2nd, 2004 08:42 am (UTC)
o_O
LOL at Veljo the Playa!

Last line is nice, though
coalproximity
Jun. 2nd, 2004 10:45 am (UTC)
another O_O ..
but _______ didn't think that when when _______. HAHAHAHAHA
smallblakflower
Jun. 2nd, 2004 11:35 am (UTC)
I think it would have been best if Uncle Vlado had shit on the Grandfather’s Beetle and that Grandfather killed him with an axe,

brilliant, simply brilliant.
lillfive
Jun. 2nd, 2004 02:47 pm (UTC)
Never have my autumns seemed so boring.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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