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I had a horrible, horrible, horrible dream. The sort of dream that I wake up crying and screaming and feeling like I'm going to be sick from.

 I haven't had a nightmare that vivid in a long, long time. Or been shaken so badly by a dream.

So I'm going to poast it here but behind a cut tag because it is kind of graphic and involves mutilation and torture of animals. I logged on and a friend was around to talk to, so I'm pasting the whole thing here for posterity now that some of the lingering horror has faded.

 Me: i had a horrible dream

 F: tell me ; for I am wise and comforting

and ego less

Me says : in dream places usually somewhere I know, like Yugoslavia but twisted so it doens't look like the place itself

Me says: anyway. i think this is belgrade. and I'm coming back to the house my family is in but it looks different. there's a yard

Me says: and when i go into the yard i see that it is full of butchered animals

Friend says: ick

Me says: and nearest the house is a monkey (a young orangutang) suspended by its arms ( a bit like jesus)

Friend intones: hmm

Me: and the monkey has been mutilated, it has no hands

Friend: uhgh

Me: and at first i see the hands in the grass and then i find out that my grandmother is about to cook them in the oven  and i spend most of my dream crying and being really sick

F: throwing up?

Me: and someone says that the monkey is very angry and it is going to come back and curse my family and my mother needs to make some form of atonement. i think she must climb a mountain or something like that

Me: maybe not physically but I felt really sick. i do remember screaming and being horrified. i still am 

F: just happened?

Me]: yes. woke up from it not long ago

F [08:18]: and here I am


i suck at dream interpreation usually. but i haven't had a nightmare that vivid and bad in ages

F: well..oddly enough I ahve some opinions

Me: do tell

F: the hands are what we do thins with in the world; a disfunctional family does not want the members to touch..feel. and even make them eat the instrument of reaching out

F: (not that I take that from your dream..hee); this christ ape is close to the house -: the center of the family conscience

Me: *nods* makes sense

F: you have told me about your mom

Me: what did i say?

F: and grandma 

 seems to me...  you were frustrated;  how they never really listened to you.  maybe.

  cut off your hands.  made you eat them  that kind of thing  ;-)

Me: yeah. i spent a lot of my dream screaming *why didn't you just kill it*

F: do you know to whom?

Me: to my family

F: about the monkey? 

M: because the ape had been tortured before it died. yes, when i got there in my dream it was already dead

F]: tortured by the family

ever feel emotionally castrated? 

 an ape is close to human.  humans in dreams are often thought to represent concius thoughts.  I wonder if this ape is something that can't quite speak in you 

Me  that would make sense.   i think

F: something that isclose to conciousness..or was before it was killed 


deep sky, firefly

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