I had a horrible, horrible, horrible dream. The sort of dream that I wake up crying and screaming and feeling like I'm going to be sick from.
I haven't had a nightmare that vivid in a long, long time. Or been shaken so badly by a dream.
So I'm going to poast it here but behind a cut tag because it is kind of graphic and involves mutilation and torture of animals. I logged on and a friend was around to talk to, so I'm pasting the whole thing here for posterity now that some of the lingering horror has faded.
Me: i had a horrible dream
F: tell me ; for I am wise and comforting
and ego less
Me says : in dream places usually somewhere I know, like Yugoslavia but twisted so it doens't look like the place itself
Me says: anyway. i think this is belgrade. and I'm coming back to the house my family is in but it looks different. there's a yard
Me says: and when i go into the yard i see that it is full of butchered animals
Friend says: ick
Me says: and nearest the house is a monkey (a young orangutang) suspended by its arms ( a bit like jesus)
Friend intones: hmm
Me: and the monkey has been mutilated, it has no hands
Me: and at first i see the hands in the grass and then i find out that my grandmother is about to cook them in the oven and i spend most of my dream crying and being really sick
F: throwing up?
Me: and someone says that the monkey is very angry and it is going to come back and curse my family and my mother needs to make some form of atonement. i think she must climb a mountain or something like that
Me: maybe not physically but I felt really sick. i do remember screaming and being horrified. i still am
F: just happened?
Me]: yes. woke up from it not long ago
F [08:18]: and here I am
i suck at dream interpreation usually. but i haven't had a nightmare that vivid and bad in ages
F: well..oddly enough I ahve some opinions
Me: do tell
F: the hands are what we do thins with in the world; a disfunctional family does not want the members to touch..feel. and even make them eat the instrument of reaching out
F: (not that I take that from your dream..hee); this christ ape is close to the house -: the center of the family conscience
Me: *nods* makes sense
F: you have told me about your mom
Me: what did i say?
F: and grandma
seems to me... you were frustrated; how they never really listened to you. maybe.
cut off your hands. made you eat them that kind of thing ;-)
Me: yeah. i spent a lot of my dream screaming *why didn't you just kill it*
F: do you know to whom?
Me: to my family
F: about the monkey?
M: because the ape had been tortured before it died. yes, when i got there in my dream it was already dead
F]: tortured by the family
ever feel emotionally castrated?
an ape is close to human. humans in dreams are often thought to represent concius thoughts. I wonder if this ape is something that can't quite speak in you
Me that would make sense. i think
F: something that isclose to conciousness..or was before it was killed