deep sky, firefly (rainsinger) wrote,
deep sky, firefly

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Rainsinger's Big Misadventure

So, yesterday day stated off marginally plesaantly. Managed to get myself active and get some hot food in form of beans and sausages for breakfast and went off to see a client and do a reading. I was in a very bingey mood, and in order to prevent myself from wolfing down a box of biscuits or a bag of crisps I took from the fridge a bag of raw sliced runner beans instead. Not one of my brightest ideas, but it seemed like a cool notion at the time and I was somewhat proud of my healthy coping mechanisms.

So, I ate the runner beans on the tube. THe whole thing. And reading went fine, and I was on the way to see someone else I'm doing AT (Autogenic Therapy)course with when I began to feel very ill. At first I attributed my quesiness to being sat on a Bus that was stuck in traffic. And then I began to be pumelled by horrific stomach cramps, and I realised that something altogether more sinster was at play. (I've no idea whether the sausages were the true culprit, or whether raw runner beans are toxic, or whether it was a combination of the two, but at the very thought of a runner bean I turned the colour to match it).

And it became increasingly clear to me also that I was going to be ill. I stumbled off the Bus, (it seemed the courteous thing to do) and cast my eye around for open-topped rubbish bins (contenting myself with the thought that if there were any of my ennemy, the rat, in there to pounce on me, at the very least I could throw up on their heads).

Vomiting in public is in my head just a single step above pissing in the street, but by that time I was too ill to care.

And then predictably enough, I did throw up, and collapsed a few steps away from the bin afterwards crying and shaking and looking, I imagine, not my best. And there, I was approached by a man who seemed somewhat out of it himself, who inquired in concerned tones:
*Are you in withdrawal love?* and offered me a cigarette which I bummed off him with a shaking hand while trying to reassure him that I wasn't on heroin but runner beans.

He left. When the local junkies take you for a lunatic it is quite an accomplishment I feel.

And because I am very stubborn and obstinate when I want to be, I got up and continued to my original destination holding on to the notion that I'd feel better once I got there. I in fact felt worse, so didn't get a lot done by way of AT but I did accomplish something on another level which was to *gasp* *shock* accept help. From a man no less. And a man who is a relative stranger at that.

That men can be kind and caring is still something of a shock to my system. And he was really very nice about it, and for once in my life I stopped fighting and let someone else look after me (without *gasp* *shock* feeling guilty about it! well not much anyway). And after having managed to convince him that I was well enough to be released into the world and I made it home just about, collapsed in the bathroom for the next two hours cursing myself and all vegetables and swearing to God that if He let me live I would never eat beans again. That I would live on salt bread and water for the rest of my life like a hermit.

I can't imagine why I thought this is something God would want, but like my many other moves that day, it seemed like a good idea at the time. ;)

Today I'm better.
And hey, at least I think I've made significant progress towards overcoming my phobia of vomiting.
Tags: a series of unfortunate events, total fail
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