I think due to times of recent stress my brain just short-circuited. By Friday night I was so utterly drained that I fell into a coma-like dreamless sleep and slept and slept and slept. Woke up briefly Saturday in midafternoon, dragged myself to town and then very soon after dragged myself back to bed. Woke up again with Herculean effort, attended my sister's birthday for a bit, got home again and collapsed.
Being unconscious through the entire unsavoury business was I felt a good way to express my contempt for all the pumped up Hallmark tack of Valentine's Day. (Although on this note, thank you to nanji for the e-card and the affectionate androgynous Pink beastie. That made me giggle and feel all loved inside. :) )
I have nothing against people sending me flowers and poems and other signs of their affection, and getting loved on is always nice I simply resent the thought that they do this on this day because they are brainwashed into it. Rebel! Be spontaneous and loving outside of February I say.
I am still really tired even though I have slept for most of the past two days. I feel utterly exhausted, the only other time in my life I've felt this physically weak and tired was several years ago after I came close to drowning and had to be hauled unconscious from the sea by a helpful muscular man. Back then I was so water-logged and battered I could barely move. I feel similar now.
My sleep has been interrupted by the ringing of hte phone and the badgering of my family.
How do you feel?!
Well Mom about the same as two hours ago when we last spoke, just more irritated.
They are like a hound scenting blood my family, when they sense illness in the vicinity. They mean well though, they always do.
I keep having really surreal dreams in which I share awareness with myself who lives in parallel dimensions and I keep waking up being unsure of which world is real. Or I wake up to the sound of rain and the touch and the scent of a familiar well-loved man and I can feel his body in the dark when he reaches out to hug me and it always takes me a minute to realise that it can't be real.
Although I forget most of my dreams, I've just remembered that I dreamt of nanji. We were at this big, strange looking fairground where one of the rides was a huge wheel made of stone which was suspended above the city and once people got on it it began to spin like crazy and everyone had to cling for dear life, although somehow in the midst of this was Nance dressed in red and black leather doing stunts on a motorbike. Bizzarre. And then I ended up riding a motorbike as well and racing trhough broken down dead trains and noticed in my dream that the floors of the trains were littered with shiny things. At first I took them for broken glass and then realised they were hairpins, partnerless earrings and fractured necklaces.
There was a convoluted storyline to it but it escapes me now and refuses to be captured.