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what was lost

When I was a little girl I was very attached to my possessions. If something went missing I would be racked for days with torturous longing and recurring dreams of wandering around the streets of a twisted city looking looking looking while the thing I search for always eluded me. It is glimpsed on pavements, half-sighted around corners, out of reach.

I dreamt a version of this dream for years after my father died. And as my heart wondered through its landscapes of loss and desolation this dream spilled into the daytime and half-consciously I'd be looking for him everywhere. In the broad shoulders of the man on the bus, in the blue eyes glimpsed in the crowd, in the footsteps of tall men everywhere, walking away.

Nowadays I dream the torturous dreams for Zelda the cat. She's been missing for over a day now which is not that long for cats but very unusual for her. We've had her for nearly two years and during that time she has never spent more than a few hours away from home. And now she's vanished and I'm devastated. I veer between terror that something happened to her (she's been trapped or hurt or run over) and anger that someone might have taken her (for Zelda never learned not to talk to strangers and spent a lot of time on the garden wall being an exhibitionist and she was so small and beautiful and sweet and would have been so easy to lure away because Zelda is as airheaded as she is gorgeous). Since I've many times previously lost Zelda within the house (thanks to her passion for boxes and cupboards and her talent for slipping into these unnoticed and then not crying out for help but being all "Oh hello! It's you! I lived here! And then I lived there! Isn't life funny?" when you found her).

For two days now I've wondered around the streets calling out her name, seeking her out in every cupboard drawer, hoping against hope that every black thing I see on the floor is her. But it never is. Zelda is AWOL, vanished, gone and I veer constantly between anxiety and devastation, chant like a mantra, beam out into the cosmos from the depth of my being: Please come back. Please please please. I love you. Return, return, return.


( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 17th, 2008 08:36 am (UTC)
I feel absolutely desperate for you.

The only thing to do in this situation is to make sure you have done absolutely everything possible to find her: call all your friends in the area, do a leaflet drop, stick up posters, contact the animal rescue places locally.

We did this when our beautiful cat went missing (some 30 years ago!) and after 3 or 4 days, a friend of a friend my mother had rung spotted him and we got him home. I hope so much that it will work for you.
Mar. 17th, 2008 08:45 am (UTC)
Oh no. Good luck. I am thinking of you! xxxxx
Mar. 17th, 2008 09:06 am (UTC)
That's horrid, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she's just found a particularly comfy hiding place and will stroll in soon wondering what all the fuss was about. Good luck xx
Mar. 17th, 2008 09:51 am (UTC)
Keep hoping and looking, I'm sure she'll be back!
Mar. 17th, 2008 10:13 am (UTC)
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about this! I'm crossing my fingers that she'll be home soon. x
Mar. 17th, 2008 10:23 am (UTC)
Oh, come back Zelda! The boys say COME BAAAAAAACK!

Cat solidarity. xxx
Mar. 17th, 2008 10:56 am (UTC)
*crossing everything and sending out prayers*
Mar. 17th, 2008 12:28 pm (UTC)
aww, I'm thinking of you and hope the cat comes back the very next day.
Mar. 17th, 2008 01:53 pm (UTC)
Aw, I'm sorry. Cats do this when you least expect it and usually come back themselves after a few days. But I know you know that. In the meantime, keep wandering around calling her name. She's not likely to be too far.
Mar. 17th, 2008 04:52 pm (UTC)
I hope she comes back :(
Mar. 18th, 2008 07:56 pm (UTC)
hope she's found soon xx
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )


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