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It occurs to me that most of my frustration comes from feeling helpless, from being constrained and it makes the compassion impulse that cannot be acted out turn into impulse to bash people on the head.

But occasionally, I can follow it through. I can fix things, in small ways.

Occasionally, as today, I can pull someone into a long hug and I can say *It will be ok* and mean it, because once in a while that is all that is really needed to make someone feel better.

Yugoslavia has a lot more of a subdued, religious approach to Christmas than England does. The emphasis is mostly on fasting, mortifying the flesh, communing with God, that sort of thing. It has a lot more ritual (including some downright pagany stuff I enjoy hugely: eg. waving around oak branches and setting fire to them, and making wishes for the new year into the fire). Throwing walnuts into the four corners of the room (something to do with bounty and welcoming in the Holy Trinity and the unexpected guest). THere is a lot more of the rituals that I am unfamiliar with (since my family never really taught me the symbolism properly, and we've only really been doing it since my stepdad came on the scene).

THere is quite a strict forty day fast before Christmas (no meat (except for fish), no butter, no fried food, no sweets, no booze, coffee, cigs). The night before Christmas we usually have beans and shredded cabbage and different kinds of fish.

The principle being that this rejection of corrupting worldly substances allows one to transcend flesh and get closer to the Divine.

Why I can't bond with God over a nice steak dinner is beyond me.

On a bitchy note, arthritis is kicking in again and aggrieving previously unharassed joints (my right elbow and shoulder). Feeling is similar to having the (so misleadlingly named!) funny bone hit repeatedly, every few seconds, shooting pains into the shoulder.



( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 22nd, 2003 04:36 am (UTC)
God doesn't like steak since he got New variant CJD;)
Dec. 24th, 2003 12:59 pm (UTC)
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )


deep sky, firefly

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