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it is what it is, says love

My heart is a greedy bastard - hungry and irrational. It wants what it wants regardles of reason. It latches onto things like a limpet.

They took the cat today. They were gentle - it went with as little trauma as it could have done.

They think she's feral. As soon as she was in the box she started screaming and fighting, going wild. It was terrible to listen to her crying, but it had to be done.

"You already have two cats." I know, I know. But I want a third. Not just any cat. Her.

"You're going to have a baby." Yes. I know. It's insane. But it could probably be done.

"She will go to a good home somewhere." I know. But I love her. If she doesn't belong to anybody, I'd like her back, if I could. Because in the mornings she wakes me with purring. Because she rests her face on my shoulder when she is sleeping. Because each night she curls herself into the crook of my back or my arms.

"It would be so much work." Yes. But love is always a lot of work.

This is how love has always worked for me. In the unlooked for thing I did not invite, did not know I wanted until it came.


( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 6th, 2007 05:47 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry you had to let her go :'(

And the post was beautifully written. It struck a chord with me. Thank you.
Dec. 10th, 2007 08:31 am (UTC)
Dec. 6th, 2007 07:05 pm (UTC)

She looked like a cat who not only needed a lot of love but would give it back, too.

Just bad timing for you both. She'll make someone else very happy, you know.
Dec. 10th, 2007 08:31 am (UTC)
She is a wonderful cat. The Cats Protection people phoned me to tell me that even though she has been mistreated by some creature, her socialisation is going well and that if I want her back I can.
Dec. 6th, 2007 07:47 pm (UTC)
Yes, I'm sorry too. But someone said this to me when I was pregnant (and I didn't fully believe it): after you have had your child, your cats will fade into being little more than background detail. I speak as someone who was more than usually obsessed with my pet cat, and am now barely interested in our two. I didn't believe it was possible. This may be a slight deviation from your point though, which I do appreciate. Mzdt is right about her making someone else happy - someone with less on their plate in the coming months.
Dec. 10th, 2007 08:29 am (UTC)
Yes, that is the x factor, isn't it? I hadn't considered actually considered that angle, but I can see how it is likely and possible. (At least until my child's teenage years at which point I might start uttering sentences such as 'at least the cats are fluffy and grateful').

Dec. 6th, 2007 10:54 pm (UTC)
big hug, and I second that it's a beautifully written post.
Dec. 10th, 2007 08:27 am (UTC)
thank you. :)
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )


deep sky, firefly

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