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sunrise, sunset.

Today is Z's 34th birthday. Happy birthday honeybunny! I love you lots and lots! So much so that I got up early to make you coffee and didn't succumb to the temptation to have hormonal fightey weep-fests at 2am!

Maternity leave is GLORIOUS. I continue to sleep almost as much as the cats. In fact I think the cats and I are acquiring something akin to a Collective Mind whereby we all enjoy a leisurly snooze then maybe get up for something to eat and a bit of love and then sleep again.

I feared I might be bored, but truthfully I haven't been awake for long enough for that to happen. Currently there's nothing I don't love about being home, from being able to play on the internet whenever I want to it being perfectly socially acceptable to combat pelvic pain by walking around while clutching my crotch and moaning.

And to prevent myself from feeling like a complete wastrel I have packed my hospital bag and even though I've tried to take the minimum of stuff I still feel like I'm preparing to go camping/survive the Apocalypse.

This morning I noticed that Urchin Cat is looking a lot more of a belly then when she first came, meaning that a) either I've been feeding her more than I've realised or b) she's pregnant. And I was immediately seized by a terrifying and nightmarish vision of attempting to tend to a baby while ankle deep in kittens, a vision so dreadful that I realised my 'i will take her to the vet when she stops being so scared of getting into a box' was not going to cut the mustard anymore. So I called Cats Protection League, who are coming to pick her up today or tomorrow. And I have spent the intervening two hours crying.

Partially because no doubt the hormones, they are raging. Partially because I've grown so attached to her that I will miss her desperately when she's not around. But mostly because I know how batshit-insanely terrified she is of people-who-are-not-me and even more so of being put into boxes. So the thought of someone coming to stuff her into a box and then into a pen- it breaks my heart. Even though I know this is so necessary (after all she needs to be vaccinated, and neutered and checked for microchips and all that, but I still feel like I'm handing her over to be tortured). And when she shows me her delicious strokable belly and bats and melts under my touch and lovingly headbutts me all full of joy and trust I feel like even more of a Judas.

And I thought I was so hardcore because I didn't snuffle watching Animal Hospital.

Comments

meepettemu
Dec. 5th, 2007 11:52 pm (UTC)
Aww honey. You have WAY too many hormones *hugs*

you did the right thing. Cue lots of crying tomorrow.

*lots of loves* and happy birthday Z!
rainsinger
Dec. 6th, 2007 05:31 pm (UTC)
So much crying! Z has given up and left me to it.

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rainsinger
deep sky, firefly

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