?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Z has developed a lump on his back, which I've been on his case about to get sorted with loving statements such as this one:

N:Go get it looked at! Soon! If not immediately! Morever, I don't understand why it didn't just occur to you yourself to get it sorted out when you noticed it was there.

Z: Oh because I get those lumps from time to time and then they just dissappear.

N:Well that thing hasn't vanished. It's grown.

Z: I had a huge lump on my chest a couple of years ago. It was really painful too. So I just got rid of it.

N: (with rising sense of dread) What do you mean?

Z: I just sterilised a needle with a lighter flame and poked it into the lump until all the gunk inside flowed out.

N: Argh! You're insane! You're a maniac! You can't do DIY surgery!

Z: I don't see why not. It was very hygenic. I even sterilised the wound afterwards by spraying it with perfume.

N: round eyed, but speechless

Z: (defensively) It was perfectly fine! Perfume's got alcohol in it!

N:(stops participating in exchange on account of the fact that her brain has exploded)

Z:(with satisfaction) I am the Ray Mears of medicine.

Tags:

Comments

( 20 comments — Leave a comment )
minnesattva
Aug. 13th, 2007 12:01 pm (UTC)
See, I can almost get behind that; I was with him there right up to the bit about the perfume.
casaubon
Aug. 13th, 2007 12:29 pm (UTC)
Maybe he didn't want to waste vodka.
rainsinger
Aug. 17th, 2007 10:45 am (UTC)
He probably used it all up for anaesthetic.
rainsinger
Aug. 17th, 2007 10:45 am (UTC)
What could promote healing quicker than a beautiful scent?
*eye roll*
offensive_mango
Aug. 13th, 2007 12:28 pm (UTC)
We all do DIY surgery sometimes, don't we?
rainsinger
Aug. 17th, 2007 10:46 am (UTC)
*shudder*
no, no no.
I have not done DIY surgery since ripping out a chunk of my own hair when I was 7 to get rid of the chewing gum the boy behind me had stuck in it.
casaubon
Aug. 13th, 2007 12:31 pm (UTC)
If you truly loved him you'd hack out the lump with a penknife. :)
rainsinger
Aug. 17th, 2007 10:46 am (UTC)
But surely shuddering and shrieking are so much more supportive? ;)
monkeyssk8
Aug. 13th, 2007 12:37 pm (UTC)
While hilarious, tell him to seek medical advise! Or just stab him until he does seek medical attention! Man!
rainsinger
Aug. 17th, 2007 10:47 am (UTC)
Thank God there isn't yet a computer game that pretends to teach you how to be a surgeon, or else I'd have never got him down to the GP.
dubaiyan
Aug. 13th, 2007 12:44 pm (UTC)
D:
What minnesattva said
rainsinger
Aug. 17th, 2007 10:53 am (UTC)
Re: D:
I had to use the 'well your taxes pay for the NHS, if you never see doctors it's like you're wasting your own money'.
chiller
Aug. 13th, 2007 12:47 pm (UTC)
Men! Are weird!
rainsinger
Aug. 17th, 2007 10:54 am (UTC)
Yes! They are! If he behaved like a normal person he'd probably have to hand back his machismo credentials or something.
offensive_mango
Aug. 13th, 2007 03:07 pm (UTC)
istatoy
rainsinger
Aug. 17th, 2007 10:48 am (UTC)
Re: istatoy
A grand idea of what to get him for Christmas.
sleeperesque
Aug. 13th, 2007 03:39 pm (UTC)
No, I'm with Z. No point wasting the doctor's time if you can get the gunk out yourself. We've all done some sort of DIY surgery, haven't we?

Not telling you what I did, though!

rainsinger
Aug. 17th, 2007 10:53 am (UTC)
No no no.
Why ever would you want to pass up on the chance to receive professionally administered anaesthetic and nice drugs afterwards?
grazia
Aug. 14th, 2007 03:22 am (UTC)
Haha. I do DIY surgery on lumps too.

e
rainsinger
Aug. 17th, 2007 10:52 am (UTC)
Well I'm glad you're still alive to tell the tale, but I'm refusing to tell Z that anyone would agree with him lest he mistake his wild ideas for reason. ;)
( 20 comments — Leave a comment )

Profile

smiley
rainsinger
deep sky, firefly

Latest Month

December 2013
S M T W T F S
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
293031    

Tags

Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow