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Clockwork Orange

First off, THANK YOU to everyone who has sent me warm and supportive comments/messages over the recent life stresses journalled here - I really appreciate it, although the vagaries of dial-up means I haven't had a chance to reply properly.

It is always nice to get affection and reassurance, even though nowadays most of the derogatory physical commentary i get from kin slides off me like water. What was stressing me out more was having to look after a 98 year old woman who is damn near impossible when she is ill because she refuses to rest, obey medical advice (so that's where I get it from) or take her medication, and finds fault with every single little thing that I do that had finally driven me off the edge.
I was feeling tired and stressed and unable to cope, but since then reinforcements have been called, help has been received and I feel better.

Well aside from the fact that I appear to be getting ill, since my grandmother and I seem to lobbing germs back and forth and I've spent a long day with wet feet (due to a sudden snowfall I wasn't expecting).

I spent the morning walking around a town called Pancevo (until now in my mind distinguished only by the fact that's where Z is from, and that they have a prison on their main street) with my friend, which was rather pleasant (aside from the fog and rain).

I spent a less pleasant afternoon undergoing one of the worst things in the world for me, which is an eye examination. I think I'd rather be cut open without anaesthetic than have people stick things into my eye, but stick things into my eye they did. Apparently I've got weird eyes because I have (with my glasses) excellent vision in both, although I can't do convergence (something about not being able to focus on things close up with both eyes).

They checked my intraocular pressure which frankly I hope they never do again because it was a traumatic experience from start to finish. First they put anaesthetic in each eye (which stings) and then they stick some sort of dye, and then they issue instructions like *please don't blink while I stick this blue thing into your eyeball*. Finally it did get done, and I wept yellow tears of joy which then gave me the attractive appearance of a jaundiced panda.

Ah! But these legal torments and assaults upon my person were not yet over, for the next stage was to stick more foul liquid into my eye in order to dilate the pupils (i still look like a cat) and then came more horrors as the ophtalmologist smeared some gel onto a glass thing and proceeded to adhere it to my EYEBALL and then to shine a very bright light and I struggled to not blink.

Apparently my long suffering right-eye has something wrong with it, although what that is was not precisely explained to me. There's something within the eye itself, some kind of veil which they fear could seriously impair my vision although they aren't able to explain to me what it is exactly and how I got it other than it's likely to do with the fact that my right eye is much more short sighted than my left.

In the aftermath I feel dissapointed that regardless of my huge pupils I still can't see in the dark.
Actually I can't see very well through light either, I went to the cinema tonight with a friend and the movie (Immortal, by Enki Bilal) was brilliant in as much of it as I could perceive with my left eye (my right is too sore, and has been on strike for hours).

I feel almost as traumatised as when I was a child and had to remove my contact lenses with a thing which looked like a tiny rubber plunger, and which you had to stick into your eye. It was very unnerving and has left me with unresolved feelings about plungers the world over.


( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 26th, 2005 12:00 am (UTC)
You have my empathy-I have a weaker right eye,and have had mean nasty things done to it also. Hope your eye feels better soon.

Love xx
Feb. 26th, 2005 12:01 am (UTC)
my recent eye test seemed to involve being poked in the eye too, but nothing as scary as that. I susppose recent dental adventures have left me better equipped to lie back and let them get on with that, but I think if I'd been through what you have I'd have been screaming down the street before they could stop me.

I hope your journey back is good, and see you in London soon?
Feb. 26th, 2005 12:16 am (UTC)
Anything having to do with eyeballs really grosses me out. It's annoying that such an essential organ is so vulnerable. And there is little worse than some medical fuckhead coming to poke your eyeball while instructing you to keep your damn eye open.

I think they should offer general anesthetic for those kind of intrusive exams. I wouldn't mind. I could be asleep while they dropped and poked and prodded.

And when I have a eye exam, just a regular one, it always takes about 30 tries for me to get through the glaucoma test where you are supposed to stare into a machine that is shooting puffy air into your eyeball. I flinch-- like any sane person would-- and they get pissed off with me and have to repeat the test.

I'm glad it's over for you.
Feb. 26th, 2005 01:11 am (UTC)
I have all manner of sympathies for you in regards to eye exams. Being the visually-unusual person that I am, I was in the Mayo Clinic a zillion times as a baby and a child, even though it never did much good that I could tell. It only served to make me terrified of even regular eye-doctor visits (the kind where you have a normal check-up and get new glasses and that's all). My old eye doctor was wonderful about understanding my fear and loathing of him and all in his profession—he didn't take it personally, and tried to make things as easy as possible for me (and, thus, him). He's retired now; he said the guy who's replacing him is good, but now I really don't want to go back...

::runs away to live in the UK instead::

Sorry for rambling. Just wanted you to know someone understands, and has been through all kinds of crap for her eyes.
Feb. 26th, 2005 03:46 am (UTC)
It was very unnerving and has left me with unresolved feelings about plungers the world over.

Does this mean you also have an irrational fear of Plumbers?
Mar. 1st, 2005 02:02 pm (UTC)
Does this mean you also have an irrational fear of Plumbers?

Considering how much they charge, I think I may well have.
Feb. 26th, 2005 09:19 am (UTC)
Ew ew ew ew ew *grossed out*

So glad I’ve never needed that done to my eyes.
Feb. 26th, 2005 09:51 am (UTC)
Oh my god. I freak out if anything even comes near my eye... brrr.

I didn't comment at the time, but elethe and I were wincing in sympathy at your gran going "now me, I had great legs..."

Will feel your absence at the meet tonight :) See you soon.
Mar. 1st, 2005 02:13 pm (UTC)
i've still not recovered sufficiently to actually get into sociability and communication mode, but I'm glad the meet was fun! and i'm sorry i wasn't there.

how are you doing?
and would you like to meet up at some point?

Feb. 26th, 2005 10:05 am (UTC)
i used to have to go for eye tests like that when i was very small. they would put the drops in so that i couldn't focus properly and when we finally left the hospital i would have to cling on to my mum because the world had become a big scary blur.

when i was a medical student we had to all try those drops again so that we could experience what we were subjecting our patients to. we were only supposed to do one eye each but some people did both and then wandered back along the marylebone road from the western eye hospital to st mary's staggering as if drunk.
Feb. 26th, 2005 06:55 pm (UTC)
I was terrified only by reading this entry. I'll probably suffer something similar soon. I don't want any eye examination :(
Mar. 1st, 2005 02:05 pm (UTC)
yes, eye examinations suck as 67threnody said in her comment on the thread it is bad that such a vital organ is so vulnerable...and it's so important to know your eyes are all right.

Bugger and damn.
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )


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