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the things I do for love

I love Z, I hate his furniture. Especially his beds.

The man, bless him, has moved into his new house not very long ago and still hasn't had a chance to get a proper bed, but instead sleeps on a camp bed style thing, on which it is impossible for two people to lie on comfortably unless they are lying one on top of the other and not moving or breathing at all. Furthermore, neither person can move without waking the other person and annhilating them with elbows. And the culmination of all is that having sex on it is frankly terryfing, as I never feel entirely certain that the contraption won't just fold up on us and collapse.

Bed number 2 is a futon, and significantly more girlfriend-friendly in the sense of being wider and more stable, but its wooden slats make it something only a fakhir could be comfortable on.

However, these nightly tortures are almost worth it for the amazing power shower in the bathroom. I am contemplating that I may just start to sleep in the bathtub instead.

To compensate for having failed to break Z's furniture, I ended up breaking myself on his furniture. I have quite an impressive bruise on my hand from where I ended up smashing it into a table, and a rather effective way of waking your boyfriend is by uttering piercing screams as you stumble into unseen chairs in the dark.

Although aside from the beds, the other things in his house work more or less as they should. The exception to this is the odd gadget he has, which is a small projector that wakes up at the sound of clapping and projects a lit image of the clock at the sound of clapping. Except that very often it ignores the sound of clapping but responds to random noises at random times of night - such as the cracking of my knees and hipbones. It would be more startling except that I find clocks pretty and I like sources of light.

In between all these things I did not get much sleep yesterday before Astrology, but about an hour before we were meant to be up I finally fell into a deep sleep and dreamt I was with a long line of Jewish people who were going to be killed except that a beautiful African goddess with a gold headscarf showed up and rescued me and addressed men in uniform in a very pointed and dissaproving tones.

On an unconnected but positive note, this month I'm not having any babies*. On the downside I am in pain and craving chocolate.

*Although if I had any babies I'd give them to tjej

Comments

( 20 comments — Leave a comment )
ex_humanfema327
Jan. 31st, 2005 12:21 pm (UTC)
Thanks honey. Maybe next month then?
rainsinger
Jan. 31st, 2005 07:54 pm (UTC)
i hope not, although it's nice to think that my future offspring would be well-sorted for recorders.
actually_not
Jan. 31st, 2005 12:56 pm (UTC)
futons are evil. they are, i am quite sure, an invention purely to induce profound sleep deprivation, thus leading to hallucinations, out of body experiences and ultimate enlightenment (possibly)
rainsinger
Jan. 31st, 2005 01:45 pm (UTC)
lol!

i actually don't mind futons so much, i sleep on an utterly divine one and prefer hard mattresses (however you spell them).
what is killing are the wooden slats underneath because the footon is so think you can feel every last damn one of them digging savagely into bodies. Possibly they were invented by the Japanese to reduce the temptation of dawdling in bed before going off to work.
actually_not
Jan. 31st, 2005 01:52 pm (UTC)
ah...well then all you need is a nice new mattress, no?

i find that they put me in a completely weird position. i'm so used to curling into a ball in the centre of a nice soft mattress that anything which straightens my spine out is just too awkward!
casaubon
Jan. 31st, 2005 01:54 pm (UTC)
Put the mattress on the floor?
rainsinger
Jan. 31st, 2005 02:26 pm (UTC)
an entirely sensible idea and the next thing we shall be trying out, probably even before sleeping in bathtubs.
mzdt
Jan. 31st, 2005 02:46 pm (UTC)
it's what I've been doing for years... the proper wooden bed base is dismatled in the loft.

you should have kittens - they're cuter than babies.
(Deleted comment)
rainsinger
Jan. 31st, 2005 01:45 pm (UTC)
i hear and obey ;)
miss_newham
Jan. 31st, 2005 02:17 pm (UTC)
Stop with the bruises already, Nina! Tsk!
rainsinger
Jan. 31st, 2005 02:25 pm (UTC)
for my birthday i'd like some full body armour please.
mindslant
Jan. 31st, 2005 02:34 pm (UTC)
Hilarious
I once lived quite comfortably in an efficiency (The one room apartment that has a closet and something like a bathroom). I loved it. I loved the effieciency, like I love the old VW Beetles. When a girl decided, "Hey, there's someone to spend the night with" they got to do it huddled on my little efficient twin bed/couch. Most of them loved the closeness it required and the extra fluff I put over the mattress.
rainsinger
Jan. 31st, 2005 07:57 pm (UTC)
Re: Hilarious
i love VW Beetles! I find them so endearing.

I don't mind the closeness of sleeping with someone in small spaces, it would just be nice to combine the closeness with a comfortable mattress ;)

And I'm finding the word efficiency very endearing - I think we call those types of living spaces pisstakes studios.

Was your efficient twin bed/couch long enough or did your feet hang over the edge?
mindslant
Jan. 31st, 2005 08:25 pm (UTC)
Re: Hilarious
Feet hanging. I've tall enough and stretch out enough that it feels weird now when if they don't hang off. I've also gotten used to my 1 yr old giving up her twin bed in the middle of the night to lay sideways in my full sized bed, feet to my ribs (kicking mind you) giving me just a sliver to lay diagnolly. She's just like her mother!
casaubon
Feb. 1st, 2005 08:58 am (UTC)
Re: Hilarious
Speaking from experience, you're lucky she's only kicking your ribs...
prophetessamy
Jan. 31st, 2005 07:59 pm (UTC)
HAHA, this entry just made me laugh. I laugh at others' pain, yes. :S
rainsinger
Jan. 31st, 2005 08:00 pm (UTC)
That's ok, it gives a higher purpose to my suffering. ;)
gromwell
Jan. 31st, 2005 09:22 pm (UTC)
Ibuprofen, girl, ibuprofen!
voiceofsauron
Feb. 1st, 2005 09:40 am (UTC)
What you need is a king size bed. Lost tribes could be developing stone tools in the further reaches of my bed and I wouldn't know. Such is the size of this bed that I fear that even if I do ever have a girlfriend again we will be unable to find each other in the bed. This raises the painful prospect that I may need to attract two girls to my bed just to have a reasonable chance of finding one or the other.

Since I only seem to be attracting 50 year old men to play bridge with recently a period of enforced abstinence may be required.
( 20 comments — Leave a comment )

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