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Yug Sweet Nothings

And because you missed out on all the Yugly sweet nothings, for your entertainment and to help you get into the spirit of the evening, I've reproduced some of the hair-raising stories here.

The dirty jokes will be in another installment.


Zika: Do you still go to Kalemegdan at night?
Nina: You can, but it's damn dodgy. Between the gypsies and the wild dogs you have to be on y our guard.
Z: Wild dogs?
N:Yeah, all the strays gravitate towards Kalemegdan and live in packs there.
Z: Don't shinters assassinate them?
N: When's the last time you saw anyone in Serbia do actual work? Besides, Kalemegdan is big, the dogs hide easily. THey'd probably exterminate them if they actually started ripping people apart.
Z: Wild dogs went on a rampage in Pancevo when I was a kid. It was all because some twenty years ago when hospitals used to discard amputated body parts they buried them somewhere and the dogs found them and unearthed them and ate them. It gave them a taste for human flesh, so they started attacking people off the street.
N:*speechless, due to needing to pick jaw up off the floor*
Z: And then...
Vlaja: No really, you don't have to continue.
Z:But it has a happy end. After a while all the townspeople just got their guns and combed the 10km of woodland, because they fucking had to. I mean really, it was tough, but it was the only way. Shot literally at anything that moved in the bushes. Leaf trembles, bam! Mad dog problem solved.
N:I'm still waiting for the happy end.
Z:That was it. Dog problem over.
N: Are you fucking kidding me? First you have humans ripped apart, and then you have all lifeforms in 10km of woodland exterminated, and on top of all that Lassie NEVER COMES HOME AGAIN and you call that a fucking happy end? Compared to this Bambi is a comedy.
Z: This reminds me of a joke....


more about Pancevo
V: I saw the most perfect cafe there. It was in one of the side streets there, and it had little tables and a shady corner, and grapevine growing and flowing down from the roof. It was just like being at the seaside.
Z: Where was this?
V: It was off the main street.
Z: Was it near the prison?
N:You have a prison on your main street?
Z: Yeah, just down the road from the bank and the primary school.
N: How very convenient. Doesn't it uh, stick out a bit?
Z: Oh no. It did initially, but then they made all the prisoners like re-vamp it and re-paint the outside so now it's a lovely building and blends right in with the rest of the street.
N: Well, I'm starting to understand more of why you haven't been back home in 12 years...


Nat: *mentions the well known punishment of making people kneel on dry corn*
V: Wow. I always thought that was just an urban legend.
Nat: Oh no, it's real.
V: Why corns? Why not make people kneel on peas or something?
Nat: Well because peas are soft. It would defeat the purpose.
Z: They just used to threaten me with it in my house when I was bad.
Nat: They made us do it in school.

Comments

( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
dubaiyan
Dec. 20th, 2004 02:47 pm (UTC)
Are you fucking kidding me? First you have humans ripped apart, and then you have all lifeforms in 10km of woodland exterminated, and on top of all that Lassie NEVER COMES HOME AGAIN and you call that a fucking happy end? What's wrong with you? Compared to this Bambi is a comedy.

*foclol*

I have a village ancestor who did that with snakes [no guns - bare hands]

casaubon
Dec. 20th, 2004 02:59 pm (UTC)
So you're related to a more violent version of Saint Patrick?

I'm still boggling at the thought of a hospital burying body parts in a shallow grave out in the woods... it seems somewhat unlikely. Cool story though. :)
dubaiyan
Dec. 20th, 2004 06:30 pm (UTC)
>:)
Well in Dhaka, when authorities were 'not looking', they used to throw stillborns out of high-rise hospital windows on to the rubbish heaps below. [Classed as "clinical waste" - no Alderhay type scandals would wash in Bangladesh] Shallow graves in the woods seem very civilised to me!
casaubon
Dec. 20th, 2004 10:28 pm (UTC)
Re: >:)
:o

Surely, chucking the thing in the furnace is easier and more hygenic?
Not to mention saving on your fuel bills....
dubaiyan
Dec. 20th, 2004 10:36 pm (UTC)
ha incinerators?
We should be so lucky.

Hospital staff either dump waste into the closest municipal bin [which are skip-sized and uncovered] or start a black market trade in used syringes, clearly graduates from the Cut-My-Own-Throat-Dibbler school of entrepreneurs.
casaubon
Dec. 20th, 2004 11:18 pm (UTC)
Re: ha incinerators?
Remind me not to buy any sausages off the street near a hospital in Dhaka.
dubaiyan
Dec. 21st, 2004 02:30 pm (UTC)
;-)
we don't eat sausages but don't get me started on street takeaways, i operate on the principle that what the brain doesn't know, the stomach won't reject.

*perversely nostalgic*
rainsinger
Dec. 21st, 2004 02:32 pm (UTC)
Re: ;-)
operate on the principle that what the brain doesn't know, the stomach won't reject.


absolutely. me too.
i hardly ever get food poisoning.
hoshuteki
Dec. 20th, 2004 11:26 pm (UTC)
I love those stories. Reminds me of a bunch of Serbian films I've seen. Comedies... but with people killing each other. A special kind of comedy.

Did you ever get my Christmas card? I may have mis-addressed it.
rainsinger
Dec. 21st, 2004 09:55 am (UTC)
I did! :D I got it this morning.
#Thank you very much! :D
You have the most beautiful handwriting of any human being I've ever met.
hoshuteki
Dec. 21st, 2004 09:58 am (UTC)
/blushes... I'm all embarrassed now. Nobody's ever said that about my handwriting :) I'm glad it finally got delivered though.
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )

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