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I am coming around to the worldview that masturbation is probably the only thing that can be easily accomplished with one hand.

Everything else just takes ages, and leaves me on the point of weaping with frustration. Attempts to unload washing machine and hang up washing can be traced through the trail of dropped items through the house, shoelaces are a conundrum possibly only solveable through the use of teeth, cutting anything is a lost cause and zips are negotiable only with some ingenuity and great effort.

I suppose the hardest aspect of this is that I really, really, really loathe having to ask for help. I also hate to ask people to drop their jobs to help me with some inane aspect of mine (such as setting up a room) but I'm having no other choice but to beg and plead and if that fails lure victims into moving tables with smiles and batting of eyelashes.

I have more or less given up attempts to manage by myself and various helpful friendly souls and my family have been dropping by with sustenance and to help me wash my hair.
I was meant to be going in to work today but that got postponed due to my realisation that there seems to be no part of my back which doesn't hurt and staying to rest and indulge in a heady mix of books and self-pity is likely to have me much better very soon.

One might think that my love of the osteopath is uncovering some latent S&M tendency, but it so happens that despite inflicting physical pain on me I trust the man. It is scary to give someone such power over your body, since if he isn't careful he can damage my spine and leave me crippled. Except that I know he is very very careful, and I still appreciate that thanks to his patient ministrations when I was 15 I was not only able to walk normally again, but shirk PE for an entire year.

Of course I'm mostly pointing out my physical travails so that mzdt and the Newham Contingent feel stimulated to invite themselves over with wine soon. ;)



( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 3rd, 2004 02:42 am (UTC)
We will if you're going to talk to us about masturbation.
Dec. 3rd, 2004 03:05 am (UTC)
I don't think we're being invited to help.

Surely, since mothers of young children have to do everyone one-handed anyway, you (Nina) haven't had a little practice already at work, or are they all too old for that kind of thing?

Not that I recommend motherhood merely to learn how to do things one handed...
Dec. 3rd, 2004 03:24 am (UTC)
you are certainly being invited to help my morale. ;)
I don't think mothers do things one-handed. It takes two hands to do most things with a small baby (one hand to support the neck and head, the other the body) and also they have a choice about which hand they use. I suppose you can hold a baby with one arm if you've got it settled, but they also have a choice of setting the baby down to do things with that need both hands.

I was finding things much easier when I'd broken my left wrist because my right hand is the one I normally accomplish things with.
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 3rd, 2004 03:27 am (UTC)
you can drive one-handed? presumably this will only work if the car is an automatic, otherwise you'd need an operational hand to change gears with.

Although it is true that I have managed to accomplish both lj entries and smoking, despite the torturousness of trying to get a lighter to work with my left hand, and the slowness of typing with only five of my trusty digits.

I suspect my Thai and your Thai are one and the same. We must meet up and check.

Yes, as I recall the laces on your rather impressive boots are mostly ornamental.
Dec. 3rd, 2004 04:08 am (UTC)
In his memoirs, Roald Dahl says his one-handed father was only ever stymied in trying to cut the top of a boiled egg.
Dec. 3rd, 2004 04:28 am (UTC)
I salute him and bow to his greater skill.
Dec. 3rd, 2004 11:29 pm (UTC)
Such a lengthy entry to type with one hand!
An adorable little entry you made here in the face of your interesting challenge. Yay for books and self-pity!

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )


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