Z is babysitting by sleeping next to the baby in its little caged enclosure. The baby is amusing itself by pulling at his chest hairs. It is hard to picture a more idyllic family scene.
It seems so weird to think that a year ago I was hugely pregnant, taking up most of the sofa and playing something like an 11 hour card game with Z and a friend, having no idea that shortly after midnight I would bolt awake with the clusterfuck of abdominal pains heralding the arrival of Matei. If I had known I would certainly have gone to bed earlier.
It's the eve of his first birthday and my son is walking.
Also, perfume may or may not be a baby sedative. Today Z sprayed him with some of my scent and the baby slept for a record of 3 daytime hours. Further experiementation is warranted.
Matei and the cats - an unrequited love story
Matei is naturally flirtatious, has always been. When he wants to impress a human (usually a waitress) he makes cooey noises, and batting eyelashes and then offers them his index finger to kiss and shares with them whatever treasures he has in his possession (like his dummy, or whatever plastic crap he has found and is chewing on).
Matei has consistently been trying all his Love Methods on the cats but they remain unimpressed and long-suffering.
M: (Patting the cat by smacking it on the head repeatedly)
Cat: (glaring and moving away)
M: (cooing for all that he is worth, with batty eyelashes)
Cat: (looking away with contempt)
M: (extending his index finger towards cat for the cat to kiss)
Cat: (flicking its whiskers in contempt)
M: (bringing the cat various treasures - my shoes, a pile of DVD cases- and piling them onto cat)
Cat: (jumping away while hissing)
M: (offering the cat some of his banana and prodding it in the face with it)
Cat: (recoiling)
M: (having cornered a sleeping cat, he lays his face against its body and sighs in rapture)
Cat: (putting up with this through gritted teeth)
I guess their love is not to be until he learns how to dispense cat treats.
My favourite thing about the baby has to be the way when he gets very frustrated and upset he grabs his dummy for some frantic sucking, in the exact same way that my mother in the same emotional context inhales a cigarette.
Neither Z nor I are religious, but in line with our Unitarian leanings we are perfectly happy to make a fuss of any holiday that comes with food, particularly when it's also paired with Days Off Granted By The Government.
Our little potted pine has gratified us by surviving a year of the English weather and our good intentions in the garden, and its bald patches have been adequately covered by festive lights. It is all very cheery and merry and everyone is feeling good, including me, even though I am now resigned to being Pregnant For All Eternity.
And now, from me to you:


Nowadays most of the internal discussions I have with my child involve some manner of the following: "Hi! Goodness, you must be bored in there by now. Same scenery! Same noises! Boring! I bet you want to see All The Exciting New Things that exist in the world. Have I mentioned that they are exciting? And new? Come check them out!"
or else: "Hey, you know all those strong irregular contractions I was having between Sunday and Wednesday? I could totally handle some more! Regular ones even. Honestly, it's fine!"
On the other hand, when I think of the enormity of the event which is having my child born, and you know, HERE, in the outside world, my mind starts to boggle with it just a little and I think "er, maybe being pregnant a bit longer is just fine."
In the informal family pool that seems to be existing, the most popular day for the baby's arrival is 25th or 26th of December. On the other hand the strong Sagittarian faction is cheering from the sidelines and urging me to get on with it as soon as possible, preferrably before the 23rd of December.
The amount of pain I am in, continues to increase and Not Be Funny. Other things that are not funny? Bruce Forsyth. And the fact that more than a week before the due date (!!1!!11!!) I am already having to have repeated phone conversations that go something like this:
No, I haven't had the baby yet. No, I'm not in labour right now. No, I have no news to report unless you'd like a breakdown of my trips to the loo. But you know, thank you for asking. AGAIN. You're right, that part where I was all - don't call me, I'll call you- was a stupid suggestion. Feel free to disregard it. I look forward to our next phonecall six hours from now.
On the other hand, what IS funny is a shaved cat. Who in this case is the New Old Cat, recently returned to us microchipped and vaccinated and wormed and wombless and slightly less frightened by humanity although still seemingly repelled by Z from the Cats Protection League. I am happy to report that I am still her snuggle bunny though and that I'm having to turn over in bed even more carefully than usual lest I kick her in the head or something as she curls up next to me. She's definately less wild than she was before, but she's also less purry. Still adjusting, I guess.
The other thing I could be very funny? The Santa costume for Zelda that I ordered off ebay because the Devil, he spoke to me and he said: "Give in to temptation. Give in. You know you want to. It feels soooo goood. Just do it. Excellent. Good minion, good. You please me muchly. Now go put make up on Z while he is sleeping."
And Milica, who can hear a fridge door being opened from three miles away and who never misses an opportunity to accompany you to the kitchen and attempt to ingratiate himself through seductively caressing your calf by winding and unwinding his tail around your leg. Or the way he falls over himself in his hurry to vault from our bed whenever any of us gets up, just in case we should happen to be, you know, going to the kitchen and he was going to miss it. Or the way he'll stand in the crossroads of the hallway with all of his body pointing towards the kitchenly direction all "Yes, I understand you just want to go to the loo. But may I suggest that a kitchen is a much more rewarding destination? And a better idea? So I'll just stand here, you know, helpfully reminding you of it."
They have thousands of delighful habits, the cats. Like Milica's obsessive attachment to my blue knitted sweater, or his way of curling up on your chest and mewling to be stroked and most of all how trusting he is (because this cat has allowed me to examine his eyes and poke him in the eyeball in an attempt to remove a stuck speck of dirt without so much as a hiss; also has consented to have helium balloons tied to his body).
The best thing though? The sibling fighting between him and Zelda. It's not bullying (there are no teeth or claws) and it's opportunistic in nature (say if she's sitting nearby when he's passing, he won't miss the opportunity to cuff her on the head; similarly she won't miss an opportunity to annoy him whenever possible, to provoke him with her nearness and the wavery of her fluffy fluffy tail).
***************************************
The weekend, it was good. Full of small successes.
On Saturday we slept late. And I used Filo Pastry and the enormous quantities of leek in the fridge to make my first pie. (My top cooking tip - chopping mountains of vegetables is made much better by being able to watch Strictly Come Dancing and X-Factor at the same time. Although Z felt that the way I was paying more attention to the Argentine Tango than to my chopping was hazardous for his taste). The pie came out rather nicely (like a low-fat version of a spring roll) and so buoyed was I by my culinary success that I want to make one with apples and raisins.
On Sunday we went to a birthday party and I got given The Most Comfortable Chair In the World and sat in it without pain for seven hours eating canapes and listening to amusing stories (Salmon and gherkin canapes! The new analgesiac!).
And when we came home the night was made of frost and cut-glass stars and I felt well enough to go for a short walk and all the iced-up cars looked like something out of a fairytale and I felt so buoyed by energy and good feelings that I inscribed hearts and stars and pleasant wishes on their frosted rooftops all the way down the street.
You know what's even more amusing than being sent a bill for backdated Extra Service Charges (merry Christmas to everyone!)? Having that bill sent to the wrong address.
And, what you may ask, is even funnier than that? Having court proceedings brought up against you because you neglected to pay this bill which you didn't know existed, and then being held responsible for all (steeply rising, bedecked with interest) costs for the legal proceedings.
And the punchline, the height of hilarity? Why, only learning about this situation upon receipt of a letter from your mortgage lender. A letter and copies of correpondence that uses an emotive turn of phrase such as 'blah blah violation of lease due to nonpayment of service charges' 'blah blah bad credit' 'blah blah remortgaging application on hold' 'blah blah sort it out suckers or look into the stony raging jaws of the repossession of your house'.
It's all been a barrel of capitalist laughs I tell you.
Actually, I am deeply proud of the way Z and I have dealt with it all. Nobody shouted, nobody blamed or accused or shook hands at heaven while shouting 'WHYYYYY MEEEEEEEEE'? Instead, we just pulled together in a steely team-like fashion to devise a plan and sort out the situation as quickly as possible and spent the in-between hours clinging to one another like
Because if you do get stressed, if you do lose sight of that? Then the bastards have truly won.
So while the last few days have been embellished by all kinds of new and interesting stresses of the Plutonic 'let me strip you down to your naked shivering cores' sort, they were also some of the most deeply intimate of this year. Because the only antidote to harshness of the world? Exchanging ever-more tender language with your husband. And knowing that as long as you yourselves are okay, that is the key, the deepest heart and bone of it; that everything else will resolve itself.
Also, I have hope, for I have seen that men and God are not immune to the tears of women. How do I know this? Because yesterday the Cats Protection people phoned me up to ask if I wanted the little cat back.
- Mood:
determined
On Thursday I did as the cats do and slept all day with an occasional pause for food and stretching only to sleep in a different position. TOday I did much of the same, only with a shower and some hair-combing thrown in. Although I am no stranger to sloth, this crazy amount of self-indulgence made me feel quite guilty (I had been entertaining bold - and clearly doomed- plans of cleaning the house). I had no idea I could feel that tired considering I slept most of the day, then slept all night as well. However, in reality I think I should be making the most of it considering that after the baby comes I won't be getting restful shuteye for the next 18 years.
The last days of work were hard. Despite being buoyed by crazy rushes of adrenaline I was still struggling to get through the day. THe baby's head had begun to move down into my pelvis (an entirely normal procedure) but it roughly translated as OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW as pelvic pain shot up another octave and I walked in a manner that was not so much waddle as Lurch Of The Undead.
I'm in the 37th week of pregnancy, and it's been a time of milestones it seems. My navel has begun to get shallower and I've had to take out my bellybutton piercing.
Everyone tells me I look great, which is encouraging considering that if I felt like crap AND looked like crap I'd probably spend all my days crying. One thing I'm grateful for is that at least it's not Z in pain because a) if he was we'd probably have ended up in marriage counselling by now and b) of the two of us he is much better placed to periodically haul the other into verticality.
And on that same note of counting my blessings and whatnot, here is a list of evils that have not been visited upon me in this pregnancy: stretch marks, heartburn, swelling, contstipation, piles, insomnia, excessive weight gain. Verily, verily, long may they stay away.
The urchin cat is wonderful. I am particularly fond of her habit of sleeping either on me or curled up next to some crook of my body, purring and generating contentment. (Though she still fears Z, I am very much her little snugglebunny). As far as I'm concerned, she has one bad habit which is an insistence on grooming me. While I appreciate the thought, the raspiness of her tongue I'm not so wild about. She is a strange little creature. Half puppy, half-cat. Incredibly affectionate, with a passion of curling up near wherever I am, but without the need to chew shoes and stuff.
LJ has been sadly neglected in the past couple of weeks while I struggled to get through my contracted hours without crying, but now that I am no longer gainfully employed catching up on your lives seems like the finest use of my time and I look forward to doing so.
It's rainy and I'm achey, and in one of those moods where I just want someone to cuddle me and bring me tea and tell me that everything is going to be all right, there there, let us just curl up in bed now and drift our thoughts to happier realms.
So instead, let us talk of joyous things (do you have any joyous things you want to share? Now is the time to tell them!) or at very least things which have made me laugh.
1. My embassy's explanation for the prices they charge for consular services.
So, here we have the breakdown of the tax charged for resolution of requests about military service
Request for a resolution £11
Tax for the resolution £16
Tax for the act of physically giving you the resoluton £8
Actual cost: (forms x2) £1
Total: £36
2. First Cat is my boyfriend. He looooooves me. And he prefers to let me know about this with equal measures of love and possessiveness. When the time has come for me to go back home and for us to be reunited and stop the crushing loneliness of a Nina-less day he throws himself into my arms, or into my lap or weaves himself around my legs with in ecstatic throes of head-rubbing and purry love. But I am fickle. And if I should happen to do something so intrinsically immoral as oh, i don't know give any affection to the other cat, well First Cat hisses at his rival, gives me a dirty look and departs the premises in a huff. For I have Betrayed Our Love. I have Desecrated His Affection, and stamped on his heart. Only time will tell whether the baby will be The Last Straw.
Similarly I cannot last remember when any trip to the toilet I made was not inveigelated by at least one cat, with First Cat preferrably assisting in the operations by curling up on my lap.
And if there is one thing which cannot stand, one thing which maddens and wounds him it is the concept of the closed bathroom door. If I happen to be in the loo without him he will spend the entirety of my sojourn there by standing and crying outside the door. I'm sure you'll agree, the actions of an entirely logical mind. Because who knows what I could be doing there on my own?
He is very possibly being cheated out of lap time people! Or I could be drowning in the bathtub without faithful cat's attempts to fish me out. Or maybe it's even worse than that. Perhaps I too am using this opportunity to draw complicated mandala patterns in the litter tray with my paws! Or hogging all that delicious toilet water all to myself.
My nefariousness drives me crazy too, just thinking about it.
Generally speaking, Tuesday is my favourite day of the week. I don't usually have to work today, and until I go to my course in the evening my time is usually my own. On Tuesdays I tend to at least attempt to counteract my natural lethargic tendencies to lounge about in my pyjamas until it's time to leave by getting up and doing exercise and cleaning house all the better to feed my illusion of productivity with. (Unless of course I am in the glorious company of
Today started out predictably enough with all the best productivity intentions, but as soon as I discovered that along with my child I am also gestating cystitis I gave it up for a lost cause and declared it a waste of resources to do anything beyond lounging in my bed, sucking on white maltesers and watch episodes of American Dad.
Cat News
Ah, cats. I love cats but I can't understand them. First Cat is all about the love (when he's not about bullying of the Small Cat) and routinely exchanges with him break my heart. It melts me that he follows me from room to room and curls up to sleep somewhere nearby, it irritates me beyond all reason that he refuses to classify Small Cat as not-prey and continues to stalk and pounce on her (without teeth and claws mind you, but being double her size and weight she is not amused by these overtures) and it kills me that he gives me this wounded look when I chase him away from her and makes a noise, a forlorn mew of utter, dejected heartbreak.
Husband News
Generally I like to show my appreciation of Z by leaving him dinner on those days when I'm away in the evening but not working during the day. And to ring him randomly at least three times a week in order to tell him that I love him and think he is the hottest human being on the planet. But I don't just confine myself to praise and helpfulness. No, I also branch out into pointing out that he has dwarf legs (deliciously muscular legs to be sure, attached to some phenomenally hard and pert buttocks, but fairly stumpy nonetheless. I would be more inclined towards delicacy of phrase were he not chronicling my pregnancy weight gain (6 kilos so far) through song, most recently Once, Twice, Three Times a Lady
- Mood:
amused
feel quite sorry for mice.
True, I still prefer a dead mouse on the doorstop than a living one in
my home, but in the ideal world if mice chose to go about their lives in
a place far far away and our paths never crossed, I wouldn't be hunting
them down. I'd leave them to just get on with it and the cats would
content themselves with chasing crickets instead.
As it is though, rarely a day goes by without me waking up to some
little cadaver outside my door, and the sight of all those rigor
mortised little bodies is beginning to fill me with melancholy. Neither
cat has any interest in eating their catch, so they usually seem a
curiously peaceful collection of stiffs - as though they've just laid
down to sleep. (Except this morning, when Zelda's mouse lay in a pool of
blood, like a teeny tiny gory crime scene).
The cats also have very different attitudes to prey. Although Zelda is a
fierce and passionate hunter, her interest in her catch fades the moment
it stops moving, and she contents to laying it out in front of the door
neatly in a row, like a collection of badges. She never gives it a
second look, preferring to focus on throroughly washing herself and
asking to be let into the house.
On the other hand Milica is all about the exhibitionism. Statistically
speaking, he is a much less succesfull murder-machine but any occasion
he manages to catch something is announced with him turning sommersaults
in the air, running in circles and literally bouncing off the walls. If
he could manage to beat his chest and emit Tarzan-like howls of triumph,
then I'm convinced that's what he would do - but as it is he throws
himself into physical acrobatics of glee, followed up by The Replay Of
The Triumphant Hunt whereupon he pounces upon the dead thing and
pretends to kill it all over again. He will repeat this exercise many
many times, in fact he won't stop until the poor little desecrated
cadaver is removed from his Jaws Of Doom and still the cat will be all
'Did you see me? Did you see what I did? Let me show you again how I
pounced on him! I am Hunter! I am Mighty Hunter! Nothing can escape me!
Especially not dead things! I am Magnificent! Oh, the Glory of Me!'
It reminds me of one of my favourite Montenegran cartoons where a
sparrow and a worm greet each other with: "Hail, Mighty Eagle! Well-met
Fearsome Snake!"
On a separate note, I am wearing extremely cute shoes today (black
peep-toe flats with white polka dots and a little bow. I had to dissect
them a little bit to make the peeptoe hole larger to accommodate my
Freaky Giant Toe. Thankfully their cuteness is undiminished AND I can
walk with ease.
And now a poll!
Poll #1040647 to romantic getaway, or not to romantic getaway
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 22
To spend money on one last romantic getaway with your lover, or to save it for the coming of the baby?
Yes to romance and getaways! Yes to massages! You owe it to your marriage, considering how little nookie you're likely to fit into your lives after the baby comes.![]()
![]()
15 (68.2%)
Yes to romantic getaways! Have fun while you can!![]()
![]()
6 (27.3%)
No, you waster! Be sensible and save. The money you would pay for the break would be much better put to use in a savings account.![]()
![]()
1 (4.5%)
Other![]()
![]()
0 (0.0%)

coquetterie, thy name is cat
Originally uploaded by rainsinger.
Hello world, First Cat flirts with you and hopes you've been having an excellent day.

lazycat
Originally uploaded by rainsinger.
the way the cat mollifies z and me after waking us up at dawn in order to be let it to the house.
wherein I talk at length about my cats, with apologies to
scarletdemon
So, here's Nina's guide on How To Make Your Cat Indignant In Five Easy Steps:
1. Pour water into bath.
2. Pour kitten into water, while ignoring its protests and attempts to hang onto your skin for dear life.
3. Once kitten has surrendered to helplessness, wet it thoroughly and then shampoo with Pantene Classic Care.
4. Rinse.
5. Lift out of the bath, and set down upon the floor where its indignance may bloom into its full glory.
Result:

Z, rubbing his face against the kitten's fur: MMmmmmmm, you smell like girls' hair.
_________________________________
Sometime during the weekend that we were away in Cornwall First Cat and New Cat quit hissing at each other and now First Cat treats New Cat as a mix of Playmate and Personal Love Slave. In fact, First Cat seems entirely to have abandoned his hot gay hanky-panky with the neighberhood tom and has in turn morphed into a big paedophile who watches Kitten with a lustful eye and expends considerable energy into grooming her to be his concubine. Currently his filthy plans are doomed to failure seeing how thanks to eating Kitten-deisgnated food he has almost doubled in size and she is still small enough to walk underneath him and slip out between his legs (incidentally, also Kitten's strategy of Getting To The Food First).
And while First Cat occupies himself by keeping a proprietory eye on Zelda and courting her with single-mindedness of purpose, if not grace- the cat/human relationships appear to be getting better all the time. First Cat has forgiven me for the arrival of New Kitten and permits himself to be petter once more and Kitten has taken to curling up next to my head every night (that is-when she's not mounting an offensive against toes and household plants*). In fact, she's taken to waking me up by nestling against my neck and licking my ear - a thing sweet, dirty and ticklish in about equal parts.
The Kitten's other trick is to stand on my shoulder while I'm sitting at the computer, and rub her head against my cheek purring in my ear. This is a cunning plan to distract me from the knowledge that she spends her non-sucking-up time shredding my fingertips.
And for purely gratuitous purposes:
Cats resting

Cats hatching cunning plans
* Her passion for these is only equalled by her devotion to attacking First Cat's tail, which he is going through increasingly elaborate strategies to avoid.
- Mood:
creative

micro cat
Originally uploaded by rainsinger.
Lo and behold, we have been fruitful and gone forth and multiplied and are now shelling out on food for the teeniest longhairdest black kitten (gender uncertain, name undecided, teeth and claws little and sharp).
Our First Cat has mostly dealt with this intrusion with very good grace and humour and aside from stealing Second Cat's lunch money and eating all his food has not been mean to him at all. In fact First Cat seems to view Second Cat in much the same way as he views remote controlled toy cars - curious mobile toys- which ought to be batted at gently or held down to be licked.
We continue to hope that their interpersonal relationships improve and in the meantime I am enchanted by the fact that the Kitten keeps exploring hard to reach spaces and in the process thoroughly dusting from underneath the furniture with his long coat. I'm thinking that if I train him right our vacuuming days are over.
Also last night, he/she made itself a little nest from a discarded towel on the bed (we are slobs) and spent the night sleeping next to my head which was all Awwwwww.
for
dubaiyan

kitkat break
Originally uploaded by rainsinger.
have a break. have an armchair.

yoga for cats
Originally uploaded by rainsinger.
So Z and I blinked at each other and promptly began to experiment on the baby, discovering in the process that it lapped up raisins, couscous, olives, courgettes and more chickpeas.
Cat people, what is going on? Is this normal? Is it a phase? Is it teenage rebellion? Should I be investing in brocolli?
Also, the little deviant spends an awful lot of time in the bathroom actually playing with water! Has he no shame?

water water everywhere
Originally uploaded by rainsinger.
And in this week's installment of Living with Sagittarius, or Why Suicide Looks Tempting
The other day my relationship nearly came to tears when Z stuck his great big hairy foot in his great big mouth and tried to explain to me why I look much more appealing with no glasses, after I asked rhetorically why it is that my face looks kind of round and funny in pictures.
Z: It's because of your glasses.
N: Eh?
Z: Well, your glasses really change the shape of your face. Whenever you have them on you look really different. With no glasses you're like - sexy cat! With glasses it's schoolteacher.
N with a touch of frost But you can't even SEE my glasses on most photographs.
Z: I know, but they still change the shape of your face.
Because with glasses your face scrunches up sometimes and you look kind of like a mole. Or a hamster.
N: Stares at him with speechlessness.
Z: But you know it’s not that bad! I mean there are lots of positive things! Like because you’re wearing glasses it’s good for me since people aren’t going to be lusting after you.
N: Attains new levels of shock.
Z: Um, why are you looking at me funny?
N: Because at this moment in time I am debating between breaking up with you and eye surgery.
For more pictures of the young lady, see here
The kitten is adorable and has settled in without major trauma [unless we count the considerable trauma sustained by all the houseplants]. I love the kitten so much that I want to resign my job and move in with Z just so that I can play with her full-time.
The kitten is a deeply sociable creature and enjoys being with people [and particularly jumping all over them in the middle of the night] and the row of little sharp toothmarks in our arms attest to just how much of an impact she has had in our lives.
It's Day 3 in Small Barnet House and here is the story so far:
Kittenish Achievements:
*She has made the airbed history
*Kept Z and I up half the night with pouncing antics and demolition of bedding
*Has made terrific progress towards sendign Z's sheets towards the Big Laundrybasket In the Sky.
*Redocerated the bathroom with granules of cat litter, but used the litterbox with no accidents.
*Killed a spider.
*Asssissted me with issues of personal grooming by chewing my hair and licking my arms.
*Claimed Z's computer chair for her own.
*Helped us with household tasks by licking clean the ice cream bowls.
*Swatted Z across the face when he snored [this and the destruction of the gold sheets suggests that the kitten and I are part of a supportive telepathic sisterhood]
Moments:
Last Night
*In one of the lulls all three of us asleep. Z and I are lying on our sides, precariously balanced on a deflating mattress, holding hands [not just a sign of romance, but also self-protective necessity due to kitten's fetish like attachment to chewable human fingers]. The kitten is stretched out in the space between us, her back pressed to my chest, her legs stretched out so that her paws are touching Z's stomach.
Today
* I opened the freezer to take out the icecream and shut the freezer door behind me without looking. Later I opened the freezer door to return the ice cream and lo and beheld the kitten sitting on the freezer shelf looking somewhat sad and confused.
Just now
*Lying curled up in my lap and occasionally helping me type the entry by walking across the keyboard.
jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjji[j48pl46 <----------------Milica says hi
Z and Milica contemplating the problem of World Poverty
Watching Live 8
.///
{}
- Mood:
happy - Music:pink floyd - comfortably numb