Gah. My hip is being an arthritic bitch and now my left knee is siding with it. I can't tell if walking makes things better or worse. Yesterday I walked home from work [it was lovely weather, and i'd eaten cheesecake for lunch] and I was fine walking but as soon as I got home and sat down I was in lots of stiffness and pain.

I feel like an old lady and its frustrating me. Yesterday my boss felt sorry for me and attempted to shoo me home at midday, despite my explanations that I'll be in pain wherever I am, so I might as well finish the paperwork.

So in order to distract myself from the bits of my body that are breaking down at 25, I've been concentrating on the bits of my body that are very well behaved and I have an excellent relationship with and like very much.

Therefore on that note here's a picture of my navel modelling my new bellyring, which turns an electric blue under the UV light.

Bellyring Butterflies in the tummy

Of late, my arthritis has been driving me up the wall.
After a week of it not abating, I am tired of the constant ache, and I think I'm developing a tolerance to Panadol Extra.

Most times I'm okay with it, but sometimes frustration is harder to shake off, frustration with myself and my illness, with the pain in my hip, my hands. I think some of that frustration comes out in my relationship with Z because I worry that it bothers him to be with me on the days when I feel like some aged cripple, but so far those fears have been unfounded.
Of course my own impatience with myself is harder to shake off.
I am so... restless... wanting to jump out of my skin. Or at the very least drink myself into a stupor. because I'm 24 damnit. I am too young for this bullshit.

And today, I lost my phone on the bus! This would be my lovely little silver phone with the hypnotic-blue screen.
And everyone's numbers in it!

And to top it all off, I am too far from the place where rhodri is offering free drinks!

I feel near-nigh inconsolable. If I weren't mesmerised by tjej's userpic I would be weeping copious tears right now.

Somdays rhodri's icon sums it all.

And the one-handed typing is unfortunately due to the fact that all the joints on my left arm from shoulder to wrist are incapacitated.

At this point a string of expletives is all I have to say about that.

Ah well, time to go back to the GP yowling *give me codeiiiine...*

Went to a cool astrology seminar thing, and job thing next Wednesday. Positive because it gives my life some semblance of moving along.

Coming out of the seminar today there was a fire near it, and lots of noise and confusion and the smell of smoke that gets me still. But before things combusted I had a stroll around St. James' market and bought a yellow and orange wall hanging.

It is patchwork, made from fire-coloured sari pieces and beaded in places. I got it for Yugoslavia since the walls are so completely bare and I hope it will cheer me up, with the bright loveliness of its colours. My mother I think, will hate it though, I can already hear her voice in my head. It is very gaudy.

Although I like Nance's sleek minimalist approach to interior decorating after a while there is just something in me that starts to yearn for colour. Especially bold, bright, colours and spangly beads. Probably the Gypsy gene.

My joints ache, the weather has been nasty. I think the narrow street the flat looks out on makes a wind tunnel because it sounds like we are in the middle of a raging hurricane. I like wind noises. I find them oddly soothing (as I do lots of other things people usually hate like ticking watch and dripping water noises). They remind me of Yugoslavia, and the howling winter/autumn wind which we call koshava.

My hands hurt however, which there is little help for except in whinging. My knuckles are swollen, the right wrist is too stiff to move properly.

I'm taking metformin again, because the other thing they gave me is too disguisting for words. (Metformin or Glucophage is meant to be helping my body with the digestion of sugar in order to counterbalance the insulin resistance that goes hand in hand with PCOS). It leaves a nasty aftertaste but at least it no longer makes me nauseaous (even though I've started at the lowest dose, and will need to work towards doubling it) although it gives me fairly horrific abdominal pains and stomach cramps. These should ease after a week or so when my body adjusts (all being well).

I've lost quite a bit of weight since October at least 10 pounds which impressed my endo to no end since weight loss is so difficult to initiate and maintain with my metabolism. My BMI has gone down a notch to 25.2 although I am meant to aim to lose ten more pounds by June. I don't really think in terms of physical wieght (don't own a pair of scales, they depress me to no end) but I keep seeing the difference in my clothes which I keep needing to mend and alter and take in at the sides.

Part of the reason why I'm back on metformin is to hopefully help my body lose weight and kickstart my exceedingly sluggish metabolism into some form of action, although I also wish this did not have to involve hours of me going *Dear God, please let me die. Thank you.*