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My mother has left, and I miss her. I feel like I am 12 again, or 9 and desperately afraid that in the wake of losing one parent I will lose another. Desperately afraid that I will be cast out into the world, adrift. I want and need something, which I'm not getting but I cling to her anyway in the hopes that something might change.

It's a desperate, despairing holding on, not the yearning for somebody but the idea of them.

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rainsinger
deep sky, firefly

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