?

Log in

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Attack and Counter-attack

My son is a treasure, and has been proving his weight in gold with the recent plague of canvassers.

If he meets them on his home environment he tends to be very social with strangers, so I've just been unleashing him on the general population and standing back to process my mirth in peace.

Last night for instance:

Doorbell. The open door reveals the sort of earnest, well-scrubbed person, bursting with leaflets and resolute good cheer.

"Good evening! Have you decided who you will vote for?"
"No, not yet."
"Well could I perhaps talk to you about some of the policies of our conservative candidate, Chris Phillip*?" At this point, Matei wades in.
"I saw a ladyburrd today! And I put it on some flowers! And then it flew away!"
"Did it?" says the hapless canvasser.
"Flew away!" M repeats, waving his arms and passionately emoting. Then once again for emphasis:
"Ladybird flew over hills and far away!"
"Ah, lovely... Now, Chris Phillip believes that..."
"That one, Mummy's bicycle!"
"Is it?"
"Biiiiiig one, bicycle!"
"Very nice. Bicycles are very important in our environmental policy, which Chris Phillip-"
"I have two motorbike!"
"Oh yes?" say the canvasser with an increasingly strained edge to his smile.
"A big one and a small one, motorbike!"
"Very good."
"I have helmet, but mummy put it away."

The canvasser looks at me, a little desperately:
"Perhaps if I just leave you some leaflets to read later..." and just as I'm preparing to say a polite "Fine, thank you." Matei jumps in euphorically with:
"Leaflets! More leaflets! Matei cut with SCISSORS!"

As the next step in his training, I am planning to unleash him on Jehovah's Witnesses.


*Chris Phillip has given me much cause for amusement in the past, with the periodic newsletters featuring many coloured photographs of him in various outfits, interacting with the community.

Comments

( 18 comments — Leave a comment )
jadedlibertine
May. 5th, 2010 10:50 am (UTC)
Genius! My mum does political campaigning but flat out refuses to go door knocking as she finds it incredibly rude. I do too but at the same time am somewhat disappointed that no one has knocked on our door for me to ask them stupid questions and waste their time. We've had leaflets though.
rainsinger
May. 5th, 2010 12:08 pm (UTC)
I do too but at the same time am somewhat disappointed that no one has knocked on our door for me to ask them stupid questions and waste their time.

A shame. Maybe seasoned campaigners develop an instinct that warns them to stay away from certain doorways.
jadedlibertine
May. 5th, 2010 01:32 pm (UTC)
Possibly! It's also possible that I wasn't in when they came though to be honest we live in a very strong Labour seat and have only had one leaflet from each of the other parties but get them regularly from Labour not only now but with updates on what they're doing throughout the year. I suppose they could still visit tonight but I'm out. It's like being back at home with my mum where the massive poster in the window warned off any would be canvassers for the other parties!!
offensive_mango
May. 5th, 2010 11:24 am (UTC)
Matei is ace.
rainsinger
May. 5th, 2010 12:07 pm (UTC)
Tis true. Nowadays I wouldn't even trade him for a ninja cat.
smallblakflower
May. 5th, 2010 11:28 am (UTC)
Kudos to the canvaser for getting that link back to environmental policy from Matei's mention of the bike. I also like the optimism that that would bring Matei back onto topic!
rainsinger
May. 5th, 2010 12:06 pm (UTC)
Hahaha, yes, he did try hard, bless him.
todayiamadaisy
May. 5th, 2010 11:33 am (UTC)
That is brilliant. You could hire him out offering a service like that: I'd love to have him on hand to deal with the plague of electricity and telephone company representatives knocking on my door.

(My local member does that newsletter thing too. Also a fridge magnet calendar with his photo on it, so we can treasure him all year round.)
rainsinger
May. 5th, 2010 12:06 pm (UTC)
Rent-a-Filibuster!
I like it.

Somewhere telemarketers are quaking in their cubicles, I know it.
casaubon
May. 5th, 2010 11:40 am (UTC)
I'd vote for Matei!
rainsinger
May. 5th, 2010 12:05 pm (UTC)
He'd appreciate your vote, and as his first edict would make people go out and bring ladybirds.

His policies on healthcare and education might need some work though.
spoofed
May. 5th, 2010 01:07 pm (UTC)
If your son is half as wonderful in person as he is through the medium of lj, you are a lucky woman.
rainsinger
May. 10th, 2010 12:37 pm (UTC)
Matei is twice as wonderful in reality, although also three times as whiny. :)
mzwyndi
May. 6th, 2010 02:35 am (UTC)
Attack and Counter-attack
I love this so much that I read it aloud to my darling husband.
meepettemu
May. 8th, 2010 08:10 pm (UTC)
Re: Attack and Counter-attack
I just read it to my gf. We're still laughing :o)
rainsinger
May. 10th, 2010 12:38 pm (UTC)
Re: Attack and Counter-attack
From my side of the computer, I am beaming as a sign of gladness. :D
rainsinger
May. 10th, 2010 12:39 pm (UTC)
Re: Attack and Counter-attack
I am always gratified and delighted when others find the antics of my child as amusing as I do.

I'm wondering whether I can form a small business of hiring him out as an entertainer at parties.
x
birdie1986
May. 12th, 2010 07:27 pm (UTC)
definately hire him out. I've not stopped by livejournal for a while (it disappeared off my radar) but you've totally made my day with that I laughed the whole way through it.
hope things are going ok xxxx
( 18 comments — Leave a comment )

Profile

smiley
rainsinger
deep sky, firefly

Latest Month

December 2013
S M T W T F S
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
293031    

Tags

Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow