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Operations Raspeberry Leaf Tea and Clary Sage Massage Oil are All Systems Go.

Nowadays most of the internal discussions I have with my child involve some manner of the following: "Hi! Goodness, you must be bored in there by now. Same scenery! Same noises! Boring! I bet you want to see All The Exciting New Things that exist in the world. Have I mentioned that they are exciting? And new? Come check them out!"

or else: "Hey, you know all those strong irregular contractions I was having between Sunday and Wednesday? I could totally handle some more! Regular ones even. Honestly, it's fine!"

On the other hand, when I think of the enormity of the event which is having my child born, and you know, HERE, in the outside world, my mind starts to boggle with it just a little and I think "er, maybe being pregnant a bit longer is just fine."

In the informal family pool that seems to be existing, the most popular day for the baby's arrival is 25th or 26th of December. On the other hand the strong Sagittarian faction is cheering from the sidelines and urging me to get on with it as soon as possible, preferrably before the 23rd of December.

The amount of pain I am in, continues to increase and Not Be Funny. Other things that are not funny? Bruce Forsyth. And the fact that more than a week before the due date (!!1!!11!!) I am already having to have repeated phone conversations that go something like this:

No, I haven't had the baby yet. No, I'm not in labour right now. No, I have no news to report unless you'd like a breakdown of my trips to the loo. But you know, thank you for asking. AGAIN. You're right, that part where I was all - don't call me, I'll call you- was a stupid suggestion. Feel free to disregard it. I look forward to our next phonecall six hours from now.

On the other hand, what IS funny is a shaved cat. Who in this case is the New Old Cat, recently returned to us microchipped and vaccinated and wormed and wombless and slightly less frightened by humanity although still seemingly repelled by Z from the Cats Protection League. I am happy to report that I am still her snuggle bunny though and that I'm having to turn over in bed even more carefully than usual lest I kick her in the head or something as she curls up next to me. She's definately less wild than she was before, but she's also less purry. Still adjusting, I guess.

The other thing I could be very funny? The Santa costume for Zelda that I ordered off ebay because the Devil, he spoke to me and he said: "Give in to temptation. Give in. You know you want to. It feels soooo goood. Just do it. Excellent. Good minion, good. You please me muchly. Now go put make up on Z while he is sleeping."

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( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
ozgirlabroad
Dec. 18th, 2007 01:45 pm (UTC)
Pics of animals in Santa costumes puuuuurrrrlease!
rainsinger
Dec. 18th, 2007 02:00 pm (UTC)
Oh I will. :) The existence of the internet is the reason why the voice of the Devil is strong in me.
monkeyssk8
Dec. 18th, 2007 01:50 pm (UTC)
excellent post, both hilarious and entertaining. Brava!
rainsinger
Dec. 18th, 2007 02:00 pm (UTC)
just wait until i can take pictures of cats dressed up as santa
thank you. :)
miss_newham
Dec. 18th, 2007 02:16 pm (UTC)
Hooray for the return of New Old Cat!

I can make babies turn up! I visited a friend of mine who was pregnant and she went into labour later that day, and earlier this year I phoned another friend a few weeks before her baby was due and behold, it was born the next day! So let me know if you need a hand...
rainsinger
Dec. 18th, 2007 02:24 pm (UTC)
I am pleased to learn of your superpowers. Please visit as soon as possible. For your troubles I promise to feed you cake.
miss_newham
Dec. 18th, 2007 02:30 pm (UTC)
Late morning on Thursday any good? That should save the baby the bother of a birthday that clashes with Christmas...
rainsinger
Dec. 18th, 2007 02:45 pm (UTC)
Sounds good to me. :)
casaubon
Dec. 18th, 2007 02:51 pm (UTC)
Bringing on labour....
I have cast-iron anecdotal evidence that sex works.
rainsinger
Dec. 18th, 2007 03:06 pm (UTC)
Re: Bringing on labour....
I would if I could but sadly my pelvis is apparently currently made of broken glass and as such cannot bear any pressure/weight/movement/touch of humans.
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )

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