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Sheparded by my loving commentary and rising levels of freaked-outness Z sought Actual Medical Attention (thus sorrowfully breaking a 15 year streak of not going to the doctor) and went away with antibiotics (which in true style, he has been incredibly absentminded about taking; thankfully my analness on this subject helped counterbalance).

Hence began a week-long monitoring of the state of The Lump (mine) and shrieking 'Don't Touch It! (also me) and complaining about how much The Lump hurts (him) and how inconveniently placed it is (more Z) and reminscing about gory medical details from his past (Z again).

Finally yesterday all the stuff that had been accumulating in The Lump came out, and I made up for all the dirty dishes I like to lovingly leave scattered around the house by tending it and cleaning it and batting perfume out of Z's hand to apply antiseptic cream instead and the Vanquishment of The Lump has been a triumph all around.

And when we woke this morning to rain and wet kittens and sweet communal snuggling, I was all 'Oh God bloated stomach, Oh God pelvic pain, woe is me' and Z was all 'I feel so good it's like angels are singing, and I dreamt I was flying all over the world, Lalala I don't have a Lump anymore and lalalala I couldn't be happier about anything.'

N: I'm glad you feel good.

Z: tenderly patting my stomach Don't worry when you get rid of your lump you will feel good too.

N: No I won't. I'll probably feel irrational and hormonal.

Z: But I meant the actual labour. Sure, you're going to be in a lot of pain and pressure and discomfort. But you know, afterwards, when it comes out, you're going to be so blissful it will be like ecstasy. I know of what I speak due to my recent experience of The Lump. I had it, and it hurt and it was uncomfortable, and then there was that whole gross process of getting rid of it, and now I feel fantastic. You'll see, it will be like that for you in childbirth.

N: Love of my life, if you recite your harrowing Lump experience to me as a point of empathy while I am in labour, I swear I will dismember you.

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( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
sleeperesque
Aug. 20th, 2007 04:05 pm (UTC)
Aw! You're relationship sounds like perfect bliss. The scary thing is, though, is that he's probably right.
rainsinger
Aug. 22nd, 2007 01:07 pm (UTC)
I do adore him, and he's a wonderful human being just one that comes with a chronic case of Foot In Mouth disease.

He probably is right, in some shape or form, but as a man he is disqualified from making any statement to do with labour unless that statement is : "You are the most amazing human being ever, in what way may I better worship you Oh Suffering Goddess?"
mzwyndi
Aug. 20th, 2007 08:51 pm (UTC)
*laughs so hard she cries*

Point the first: You will actually be exhausted. Irrational and hormonal are so secondary to TIREDZOMGWTFBBQ that they do not even appear in your rear-view mirror. Plan to sleep for at least two weeks, get someone else to watch the little one for all except the feedings.
rainsinger
Aug. 22nd, 2007 01:05 pm (UTC)
Plan to sleep for at least two weeks, get someone else to watch the little one for all except the feedings.

That seems like the best piece of advice I have received so far. Thank you. :)
spoofed
Aug. 21st, 2007 11:44 am (UTC)
*wants to dismember him for you*
rainsinger
Aug. 22nd, 2007 01:04 pm (UTC)
We could form a Vigilante Wives Club. :)
spoofed
Aug. 22nd, 2007 01:16 pm (UTC)
It would probably very, very large membership.
On the subject of men saying stupid things about labour... Michal complained just after Josef was born that he had had cramp 'for half a bloody hour'. Also, last time we talked about the birth, he told me that he has been really angry with me when I shouted and swore at the midwife.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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