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Yet more astro stuff

I realise that this is not for everyone, and that there may be people out there who throughly despise this sort of thing (susan ;) )
so feel free to skip ahead.

i however, am hopelessly fascinated and getting more so by the day. it is just so wonderful and intricate and elegant and full of symbols, like a language on the edges of my senses I am trying to become fluent in.

below is my karmic love report courtesy of Linda (thank you Linda :D )

Chapter 1: Most Important Prior Life Experiences

In Astrology, the Twelfth House represents the unconscious -- anything that is hidden, intuitive or difficult to explain. If you find yourself behaving with lovers in ways that you simply can't explain -- reacting to your lover in ways that mystify both of you, or acting on instincts that seem to well up from some unknown part of your soul -- there is a good chance that these behaviors are somehow governed by your Twelfth House.

Therefore, this House also represents the ways in which your subconscious mind may hinder or otherwise influence your conscious mind and actions. It is in our subconscious minds that we carry our karmic memories, which can influence (and, often, undermine) our current life efforts.

Fear and guilt are two of the largest hindrances to personal growth and transformation. Subconscious fears and guilt are quite difficult to face head-on, as they are difficult even to identify. But if we can remove the blockages created by this type of subconscious feeling, we can greatly enhance the growth of our souls. This report can help you to identify any sources of guilt or fear that may lie in your subconscious mind.

If you find in this report that there are several descriptions of planets located in your Twelfth House, then you may be unusually influenced by past lives and your subconscious mind. In this case, past life regression could be quite illuminating in the exploration of your hidden self.



12th house cusp in Leo

Prior lives as a leader -- in the military, perhaps, or as a politician, a theater director or something similar {i don't think i was in the military, but the politics resonates very strongly, theatre does to a lesser degree}-- have lent you a karmic legacy of great inner strength and willpower. These qualities affect your love life in some specific ways.

In your current life, you are quite a persistent person in love, as in any arena in which you desire success. Your perception of yourself as a lover, however, is off somehow. Either you see yourself as being much more charming, charismatic and attractive than others see you, or you undervalue your own charms and assets. Even if you do not give yourself enough credit as someone able to attract lovers easily, however, your willpower and persistence will help you find a romantic partner. Those qualities can be quite sexy and attractive in themselves, after all.

Leo 12th House, Virgo Rising

Your romantic partner may grow frustrated with you from time to time due to your meticulous, nearly compulsive nature. You are focused on details, cleanliness, order, and as a domestic partner you can be a bit difficult to get along with at times, especially if your spouse or lover is more relaxed (or messy) than you are {don't think mess is an issue for me, however, there are other principles, ethical, personality, and such that I AM a stickler about and which do become issues.} You must learn that a failure to keep things spotless and organized is not a true character flaw; {hmmm i think i learned this rather well early on ;-) } try not to grow angry at or disappointed in your lover for having more lax standards than you have. {lax organisation standards is fine, lax inner standards i have a harder time with}

Jupiter in 12th House

You suffered through injustices in a past life, taking them too much to heart and feeling the pain of the world on a very personal level.{not just the last life ;-)} These injustices may have occurred on a large, political scale or they may have been in your home -- perhaps you witnessed your parents' relationship devolving into a bitter power struggle between dominator and dominated. {i guess karmic history does repeat itself} Whatever happened, you felt it so keenly that your soul has chosen, in your current life, to close off to such injustices. You may be a bit out of touch with your emotional, compassionate side. You are likely to be pragmatic, and possibly even pessimistic, about love. You refuse to be anybody's fool and take care not to buy into any idea too romantic or idealistic. Thus, you tend not to get involved in romantic relationships with your whole heart -- you reserve a certain, idealistic part of yourself, fearing its vulnerability. {me? fear vulnerability? never}

Your karmic lesson in this lifetime is to reconnect with your pure, idealistic self. You can tap back into that emotional part of your being and relearn the pleasure of being vulnerable. {i think i need to work on seeing it as a pleasure} Even if you never use your compassion to better the world at large, you can use it to better your own personal life; to connect on a deeper, more spiritual level with your lover; to become a more loving, understanding person. {fair play. although neil was lecturing on the need to be a lot more selfish and demanding}


Chapter 2: Saturn (The Great Teacher)

The planet Saturn governs our consciences, and the placement of Saturn in our birth charts is the source of many of the restrictions and limits we place on ourselves in our love relationships. Saturn's placement in your chart represents the area of your life in which you have the most to learn; this touches not only on your love life, but also your career, your relationships with your family, friends and yourself, and all other parts of life. In this report, we will focus on how Saturn's placement in your birth chart affects your love life.

Saturn's lessons require much hard work and soul-searching. Learning the lessons that Saturn has to teach is difficult, tiring work -- but it can lead to great enlightenment and growth of the soul. The best part is, once learned, Saturn's lessons are not easily forgotten.

Saturn links your past lives to your current one through the as-yet-unlearned lessons it still has to teach you. Any seemingly unexplainable guilt or self-restriction related to love in this life are likely due to the fact that you didn't fully accomplish some love-related task that Saturn set for you in a past life. If you can complete the difficult work of learning Saturn's lessons in this life, you can free yourself to use all your natural talents and strengths to their greatest potential.


Saturn in 1st House

You have always tended to take love and relationships rather seriously. It is unlikely that you have ever been the type to date more than one person at a time, {very untrue, but I DO have a very fickle gemini venus} and when you make a commitment to someone, you cannot imagine doing anything other than honoring that commitment.{this bit is totally true, which is why i am usually reluctant make a commitment in the first place}

When you were growing up, you likely did not date much. Perhaps you had one or two long-term, committed relationships, or perhaps you were a late bloomer and hardly dallied in love and sex at all until you were older. {both of those are spot on. despite my enthusiastic way of discovering french kissing my love life didn't really take off until after i was 19. when it took off and died again} You may have witnessed others having difficulty in love -- perhaps your parents went through a messy divorce or otherwise burdened you with their love troubles. {too true} The point is, in some way you were never able to relax and fully enjoy dating and relationships. The feeling of falling in love is not a light, happy one for you. {yes i would say this is accurate}

Instead, it is likely to be fraught with weight and seriousness. For you, love and intimacy necessarily equate with commitment and grave responsibility. {emotionally, i think they do, because relationships often feel heavy and binding}

It is also likely that, in your love relationships, you bear too much of the weight of the union. Perhaps you try harder than is necessary to keep your lover connected to you, to keep the relationship afloat; {sigh. i am trying to do less of this}
or perhaps you are always attracted to people who make you work for their love rather than giving it to you freely and unconditionally. {i certainly have been, to a lesser degree now. i love therapy} You may be something of a nurturer, and might attract needy or immature types who look to you as a parent, perhaps even more so than as a lover. {yeep. have done.}

In a prior life, you likely had a position of responsibility as well. You may have been a doctor or a nurse, a priest or a teacher -- someone whose life's work involved guiding and supporting others, often at the expense of your own comfort and interests. But however hard you tried to take care of everyone, it is likely that they suffered anyway -- that you were unable to save them. Whether they suffered directly or indirectly at your hands, you carried the guilt of that experience with you into your current lifetime. You now feel an inordinate sense of responsibility for others and feel too much intense guilt when you are unable to meet their needs. {bleh. guilty of that indeed}

The good side of your past-life learnings is that you are quite able to take care of yourself -- perhaps too able. You have a hard time depending on your lover, and might even make your lover feel distanced from you because of your unwillingness to lean on them. {this is true also, i am a paradox. i am either unwilling to settle down at all, or falling in love too fast, being too open} You may also make your love partner feel smothered, because you are constantly trying to bear their burden -- which can be another way of saying you meddle in their affairs. {yes, although i am newly reformed in this aspect. i have enough of my own crap to carry and my back hurts as it is}

But now you have an opportunity to eradicate the guilt, once and for all. Getting rid of your guilt and learning to act decisively in your own best interests -- at least some of the time, when it truly matters -- are two of the lessons you are to learn in this lifetime.{hutrray}

This placement of Saturn in your birth chart indicates that past life regression would be beneficial to you. {not overly keen on this, although i have a good awareness of lives/other selves without hypnosis}

Saturn Square Venus:

In a past life you looked at marriage as a duty rather than anything more spiritual or sacred than that. You took your duty as a spouse seriously, but you carried that sense of emotional aloofness with you to your current life. Now you find it difficult to accept love even from someone willing and eager to offer it to you. You understand that love is a gift but somewhere, deep down, you do not feel worthy of it. {i may cry}

You tend to feel lonely, even when you are romantically involved -- or perhaps especially then. The problem is you have trouble taking a relaxed, open approach to love. You find it difficult simply to appreciate someone for who they are, to enjoy being in their company in a simple way. {yes, i think i have done in the past, a lot improved in this regard now} You tend toward seriousness in a love affair and may make your lover feel as though you see the relationship as nothing more than a duty to be carried out. {that was very much a summary of my first and only long term relationship}

It is time to let go of that old karmic burden and learn to enjoy love and commitment. Find the spirituality of intimacy with another person, and your soul will grow by leaps and bounds. {yes, intimacy is great and i lvoe it but i have more problem with commitment}

Saturn Square Neptune:

You were caught up in material pursuits in a past life, ignoring other, higher ideals in favor of success on a tangible level. That karmic legacy is felt in your current life in a variety of arenas, including your love relationships.

You consider sexuality to be a very important part of romance, but sometimes it stops there for you. You may have a difficult time experiencing sex as lovemaking -- that is, connecting to the spirituality that is inherent in the physical act of sex. {yes, i have done, a lot of dissociation during sex}

Alternatively, you might feel unloved unless your romantic partner is showering you with expensive gifts -- another form of relying too heavily on the physical for spiritual fulfillment. {nope, i'd be more likely to feel deeply uncomfortable with expensive gifts, they feel too much like a burden/obligation} You may even sense a void within yourself that you attempt to fill physically with your lover, but only tapping into pure emotion (love) and spiritualism can help you feel truly fulfilled. When you learn to incorporate the two, your soul will begin to heal from your old karmic hurts. {fair do, i have made some progress there}

Saturn Sextile Moon:

In love you are balanced and caring, if a bit reserved in the expression of your deepest emotions. You learned in a past life how to balance daily (or greater) duties with your emotional life and needs, and in your current life you are able to enjoy that karmic legacy in solid, stable love relationships that do not sap your energies. {so i guess not all my past lives were dismal failures}

You are not likely to be frivolous in love. {kind of wrong. i am frivolous and fickle but i tend to stick that to appropriate contexts} You are more attuned to long-term, committed relationships. {well, committed, kind of, it is important to me to feel loved and cherished, but more improtant to feel it in the NOW rather some misty futre- have learned hard way not to rely on long term} You are something of a nurturer but you also know how to accept nurturing from others. {hm. having a harder time learning how to balance this~} If you start a family, you will make a wonderful, reliable parent and spouse. {i have my doubts, but Okay} Learn to open up a bit emotionally -- to bring a bit of romance to your lover and a bit more expressive devotion to your children -- and the picture will be complete.

Saturn Sextile Uranus:

You are quite comfortable with a certain amount of chaos and uncertainty in your love life, because past lives spent handling upheavals (political upsets, natural disasters and the like) have taught you to be comfortable even in the midst of a storm. In fact, your love life might feel quite calm and sedate by contrast.

You may stay in a relationship that is unnecessarily chaotic because you are used to such unstable energy -- you are able to bear with stress and tension for indefinite periods of time. {yes, dammit} Furthermore, you consider most anything and everything to be a learning experience; a difficult relationship would be an opportunity for you to learn an important life lesson. {yes, dammit dammit}

Take care not to stay in a bad relationship just because you can withstand the pressure. If you begin to notice physical symptoms of stress -- recurrent headaches, trouble sleeping soundly, digestive problems and the like -- take it as a sign that your love relationship needs evaluation. The stress may be coming from some other sector of your life, but if its source is an intimate relationship, it may be time to move on. {ok} Physical activity could be a great energy release and health stabilizer for you; exercise regularly and make an effort to eat well. {christ, it sounds like my mother.resistance is futile. she has infiltrated even the report}.


Chapter 3: Jupiter (Your Karmic Gifts)

The planet Jupiter, sometimes called the Planet of Luck, carries plenty of karmic value that is often overlooked. People tend to think of karma as negative, but it can be positive as well. Jupiter's placement in your chart, can illuminate the karmic gifts or talents you brought with you to this life from a previous one.

Jupiter describes the areas in your current life in which you are likely to enjoy material success, but it also describes the rewards of your spiritual life. These rewards come from good deeds you committed in a past life. Similarly, any good deeds (such as generosity, kindness, compassion and the like) that you commit in this life will send positive rewards, also known as good karma, with you into the next.


Jupiter in Virgo

As a lover you possess great honesty and integrity. You are somewhat of a nurturer and are able to make your lover feel well-cared for and loved. You are quite unlikely to conduct yourself in a dishonest or untrustworthy manner in a love affair, which is greatly appreciated by your romantic partner. {well, i am fickle, but I do try to be very honest otherwise it doesnt feel right inside}

In a prior life, you were in a position of service to someone else, and you took your duties seriously and found pleasure in carrying them out. In this life, that karmic legacy can be felt in your private life as well. You take the responsibilities of love, of partnership, seriously, and are careful not to take advantage of your lover's trust or affections. {yes true.}

Jupiter in 12th House

You are a nurturer who gains fulfillment from lending your aid to others, but you like to do so quietly, from some behind-the-scenes position. {there is great benefit and safety in shadow} In a prior life you learned lessons of compassion, charity and tolerance and you carried that karmic legacy through to your current life. Your soul is fulfilled when you are able to help others, but the spotlight is not for you; you do not seek public recognition for your good works. {fair do, but can i at least get paid for them?}

Some private recognition from a romantic partner who sees, understands and appreciates your efforts, however, is quite pleasurable. {damn right} You will feel a deep attraction to and bond with someone who notices your good deeds and appreciates you for them. {yes. the relationship with people who reviled me really have lost their appeal}

Jupiter Sextile Mercury:

Your karmic past -- likely as a well-loved teacher or nanny -- has blessed you with good communication skills in this lifetime. You are able to listen to your lover without judgment and can communicate yourself, your own needs and your desires clearly, calmly and effectively. {learning how to do this} You are a caring, honest, open and accessible romantic partner, although you may sometimes be a bit unfocused. You delight in a lover who possesses depth and intelligence, because you never tire of discovering new things about your lover's dreams, past, likes and dislikes. {true. lovely quicksilver geminis} A lover who shares your love of travel and mental stimulation will remain a good friend even if the passion fades. {probably accounts for the saggi fetish} Find someone who is as open and honest as you, and you are unlikely to lose interest in them, either as a person or as a lover.


Chapter 4: Nodes of the Moon (Your Karmic Doorways)

The North Node of the Moon is the point in your birth chart that can be thought of as a doorway from your current life to your future. Similarly, its opposite point, the South Node, is a doorway from your past life to your current one.

These two points can illuminate the love-related goals on which you should set your sights in this life (North Node) and the habits learned from past life love experiences that are preventing you from reaching those goals today (South Node).

North Node of the Moon in Leo

You maintain a certain intellectual aloofness that can damage your romantic relationships. In a prior life you were interested in the common good; perhaps you were a revolutionary leader, an academic or someone who worked for social reform, and you distanced yourself from people on a personal basis in order to devote your energies to the group as a whole. {i have fun thinking of myself as a revolutionary leader}

In your current life you maintain a bit of that aloofness, and it can make your intimate partner feel neglected or held at arm's length. You have a tendency to claim your individuality in a way that pushes others away. {yes, have done}
Your lover might bring this to your attention, in a direct or indirect way. If you maintain your individuality too stringently, you can inadvertently hurt the people who are closest to you. {sigh. i struggle with this}

You have a certain shyness, a reserved demeanor, that is rooted in some kind of insecurity that you have carried with you from a past life. You use your intellectual leanings as a tool, a crutch even -- you distance yourself from emotional entanglements that might overwhelm you. {yes, yes} You have trouble sharing your innermost thoughts, feelings and fears, and this can make your romantic partner feel rather shut out. {grah.}

Your current life asks you to find a balance between maintaining your individuality and learning to be emotionally open with a spouse or lover. {hmph. next time i am going to for *conscience-free bitch and whore* } It is possible to be yourself, a unique individual, while in an intimate union. If you can learn to let down your barriers you will likely find that there wasn't much reason to keep your guard up in the first place. After all, all your lover is asking of you is a bit of sharing, of communion and communication.


Chapter 5: Planets in Retrograde (Reversed Energies)

If this section is blank, it means that no planets were retrograde at the time of your birth.

Planets that were retrograde at the time of your birth are thought to hide or reverse the true energy of that planet. In this report, we are looking at how retrograde planets relate to issues of love, karma and past lives. Retrograde planets in your birth chart are likely to indicate that some past love experience was so negative or traumatic (such as the death of a loved one or utter betrayal by a lover) that you refuse to use that planet's energy in any manner in your current life.

Mercury Retrograde

You are likely to find it extremely difficult to communicate with your lover at times, and sometimes even impossible. You may get into arguments without even knowing how or why they occur, or your communication troubles might be subtler than that. Perhaps you feel a general sense of struggle, of desperate attempts to communicate yourself and your truth to your partner, but yet you remain unheard or misunderstood.

It is possible that this is the truth of your relationship, but it is also possible that it is a construct of your mind -- that you would not be able to feel understood or heard by anyone. If so, it is probable that in some prior life, you were in a position of power, a position in which many people listened closely to you and paid attention to what you said, but you somehow misused that power. Perhaps you gossiped and hurt someone deeply, or perhaps you used lies, half-truths and calculated omissions in the name of manipulating events to your own liking.

This life presents a lesson: to practice honesty, always, no matter how difficult that may be. It can be difficult but quite liberating to practice honesty in a love relationship, and is essential to the health and longevity of that relationship. Be gentle but direct in communicating your feelings and needs to your lover. Most of all, consider your own ethics and morals and then live accordingly.

Uranus Retrograde

Although you might not look at all unusual on the outside, inside you beats the heart of a truly unconventional lover.{come out with it and call me kinky} You might have some very unusual ideas about or expectations of a love affair. Perhaps you need to be free in a love relationship -- to stay unattached, although your lover wants a marriage-type commitment, or to have an open relationship in which you are free to pursue other interests. {mmmmm hmmm} This kind of progressive view of love may make perfect sense to you, but it could cause problems with others (including not just your lover but also your friends, family and anyone else who has an opinion about the way you conduct your life). {i'll say.i like thier term *progressive view*}

You might find it difficult, as a result, to stay faithful to one lover for long. If so, it is likely that this is an effect left over from a prior life in which you conducted yourself exactly as you pleased, regardless of how your actions affected those close to you.

In this life, your lesson is to learn to be free within the boundaries of a committed relationship. It is up to you and your lover to define those boundaries together -- after all, it is possible to find someone whose outlook matches yours, who does not demand fidelity or a traditional marriage as symbols of your commitment. {I am hopeful. :-D } But be sure to be open and honest about your needs, desires and expectations -- in a gentle and kind manner, of course. It may be that you have found the key to freedom, but you must be careful of others' hearts as you follow your own path toward that freedom.

Neptune Retrograde

In love affairs, you may live more within your own fantasy of the relationship -- for example, what you imagine its potential to be -- than in the actual reality of what the relationship is and what it provides (or does not provide) for you. {sniffle sniffle sigh} Your vivid imagination may be something of a curse when it comes to love; you may find it very difficult to see your lover in a clear and honest light, which can lead to disappointment when the truth hits you over the head.

It is disappointing to find out that the person you imagined to be the One -- the perfect mate for you -- is actually just another person like yourself, a person with flaws, fears and limitations who will not always live up to your fantasy of Perfect Love. But the truth is that real love is more fulfilling than any fantasy of Perfect Love could ever be. After all, in the end, Perfect Love is only a fantasy.

You are likely also to have some concept of fate and may believe that you and your lover were brought together for a reason. You may consult with psychics or tarot readers regarding your relationship, in hopes that some occult force will unveil some deep truth about your lover that you feel is just out of your reach.

It is quite likely, that in a past life you were the psychic or magician -- that you possessed psychic or other occult powers and that you used them to take advantage of others or to mislead them. In this lifetime, you must learn to find spirituality in the Real. {he heh ehe hehe} You can find the magic of true love in a real-life relationship, one that is viewed honestly and appreciated in spite of its flaws.

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