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Conversations with grandmother:

G: You know, you still look very fat.
N: This may be the wrong conversation to be having when you're relying on me for care and sustenance.
G: It's not your fault, all your Georgian relatives are fat.
[pause]
G: It's your hips and thighs. They're huge. All the Georgians have huge thighs. Legs like tree trunks. It's very ugly. You should wear long things that hide your body.
[another pause]
G: Me on the other hand, when I was young I had great legs. And beautiful blonde hair. And lovely blue eyes. And no glasses.
[looks at the Lemsip I'm mixing]
G: No no! Give me only half a mug of that thing.
N: {keeps mixing] Whoever claims I'm fat gets a full mug.
G: I'm only saying all of this to help you.
N: Please help me by not helping.

Comments

( 18 comments — Leave a comment )
ultraruby
Feb. 24th, 2005 10:45 am (UTC)
Oh gawd, I don't know whether to laugh or be annoyed by that! I used to work with an elderly Afghani lady who'd always slap me on the bum and go 'shim shim, Gemma, you are extra large!' Of course I tried to take it with good grace, but inside I was incredibly annoyed about it, and quite hurt.

Anyway, hello! I hope you're doing ok.
ultraruby
Feb. 24th, 2005 11:53 am (UTC)
P.S - what's your e-mail? You can tell me here http://www.livejournal.com/users/ultraruby/73119.html in the private boxes if you like.
tubewalker
Feb. 24th, 2005 11:23 am (UTC)
What she never told you obviously is how dodgy her eyes are, because I have perfect 20/20 and I can assure you, absolutely 1000% that your grandmother is totally wrong. One can only assume she was also told similar lies when she was young and feels the need to inflict them on someone else. I could go all gushy and verbose here but I won't, suffice to say you are astonishingly lovely and totally beautiful, breathtakingly so. Don't be mad at your Gran, after all, and for whatever reason she's just got it 100% wrong.
dubaiyan
Feb. 24th, 2005 11:43 am (UTC)
female relatives.
the "You look pregnant" thing was esp. killing from my mum as she's a obstetrician o_O

You look lovely!

Are you going to be around London on 5th March? Morning?
ninetimestodie
Feb. 24th, 2005 04:56 pm (UTC)
Re: female relatives.
Argh!! My mother tried the 'pregnant' thing with me too, much to my dismay -_-
dubaiyan
Feb. 24th, 2005 08:41 pm (UTC)
*shudders in sympathy*
orphicart
Feb. 24th, 2005 12:20 pm (UTC)
sheesh.. yeah man that shit all goes down into your subconscious. What kinds things for her to say to you :( People are so ignorant of their effects on other people.
tubewalker
Feb. 24th, 2005 12:35 pm (UTC)
People are so ignorant of their effects on other people.

To true, they fester away there and are so tough to remove later, sigh.
mzwyndi
Feb. 24th, 2005 01:41 pm (UTC)
I can't help it, I had to laugh. With you, of course, because I know what that feels like. Highly critical, and it's always some other part of the family's genes that are at fault.

*shakes head*

What a sad world your Grandmother must have lived in, that she can be racist and derogatory against her own, beautiful granddaughter while she's dependant upon her for care. *shakes head* Wish I could say mine was better, but she was insulting people until the day she died.
mindslant
Feb. 24th, 2005 02:26 pm (UTC)
Solutions
It is the male perogative to offer solutions (much to the distress of venting female partners who just as often only want to be heard and cared for without interest in solutions...so I've been told) and thus here's a quick one.

Sleeping pill in the mug of 'Lemsip' (whatever in the world that must be). I'm not talking out killing her, just putting her out a few extra hours everyday. Maybe most of them. And when she's awake talk about things like osteoperosis, senility, alzheimers, rhuematism...old people diseases. Talk about symptoms and prevenative measures. That'll get her concerned more about herself again while you shine out as a bastion of home health. Cheers!
ninetimestodie
Feb. 24th, 2005 04:57 pm (UTC)
What nonsense! You're beautiful ♥
meepettemu
Feb. 24th, 2005 06:09 pm (UTC)
My friend, you're beautiful. And it's not the first time I've told you, but i have many friends who would kill to be you.

EVERY SINGLE person i know who has met you thinks you're fucking gorgeous :o)

I love you x
(Deleted comment)
guihong
Feb. 25th, 2005 06:46 am (UTC)
EVERY SINGLE person i know who has met you thinks you're fucking gorgeous :o)

Do I ever third that :o)

gui xx
tubewalker
Feb. 25th, 2005 09:15 am (UTC)
See, told you.
miss_newham
Feb. 25th, 2005 11:06 am (UTC)
I forgot to reply to this yesterday. Why do your family still have a thing about you being fat when you weren't as a child and aren't now? See all the other comments below about your radiant gorgeousness. And people with glasses are obviously teh cool.

Though me, I like it when my family criticize my appearance, which they do all the time (grandmothers especially), because it's done in a spirit of exasperated teasing. We don't do praise in my family, we do inventive piss-taking. Actually, this might explain a lot...
ex_humanfema327
Feb. 25th, 2005 03:40 pm (UTC)
oy. you are beautiful. take away her tea.
nanji
Mar. 15th, 2005 06:43 am (UTC)
Emotional subtext, Waiting for Godot and others things I know nothing about
I find this conversation a beautiful example of inferred commentary, or subtext.
Allow me to translate :

Conversations with grandmother:

G: You know, you still look very fat.
(Libra: "I'm prettier than you")
N: This may be the wrong conversation to be having when you're relying on me for care and sustenance.
(Cancer: "you need me, it's why I keep up this "caring" act")
G: It's not your fault, all your Georgian relatives are fat.
[pause]
("My blood is purer")
G: It's your hips and thighs. They're huge. All the Georgians have huge thighs. Legs like tree trunks. It's very ugly. You should wear long things that hide your body.
("I feel threatened by your outward display of fertility")
[another pause]
G: Me on the other hand, when I was young I had great legs. And beautiful blonde hair. And lovely blue eyes. And no glasses.
(we've gone from "I'm prettier than you" to "I WAS prettier than you" - Unbeknownst to her, THIS was her moment of weakness. The N. character could've thrown something fatal at her and G. wouldn't have seen it coming)
[looks at the Lemsip I'm mixing]
G: No no! Give me only half a mug of that thing.
("I don't want to be fat like you", crossed with "you're trying to poison me I know it". An imaginative and well thought out blend.)
N: {keeps mixing] Whoever claims I'm fat gets a full mug.
("That's not all I'll do...")
G: I'm only saying all of this to help you.
("I'm a bitch sent from hell to torment you and your first-born child")
N: Please help me by not helping.
("One more word...")
( 18 comments — Leave a comment )

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