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and the earth moved

I've been feeling very distressed about the earthquake.
A friend is from Sri Lanka and I haven't heard back from her yet about whether her family are all right.

The night the actual earthquake was happening I was having an earthquake dream. I was standing there in a shaking house, and there were people screaming around me and in my dream I was asking someone how big a quake on the Richter scale the house could stand, and in my dream outside the house there was twilight and the ground breaking apart.

I have a very difficult time separating myself from the distressing mass experiences on earth. I feel fear and sadness, thinking of all the people who are anxious and grieving. I feel fear and sadness as well, thinking of how fragile we are all. How easily everything we've thought we'd built can be swept away.

Partially that's what I learned from war. That things can shatter from one day to the next and I don't believe I ever got over that. How easily we are broken.

I don't live in fear. It would be pointless, because I'd be a nervous wreck by the end of the week. But when terrible things happen I cannot help and close my eyes and be grateful that me and mine are unharmed, and mourn those who were not so fortunate.

There's a thing I've done since childhood, whenever I feel afraid. To shut my eyes, and imagine myself surrounded by my angel's wings, feel warmth flowing into me and through me, and I'd whisper Watch over me as long as you can, and when you no longer can then let death be gentle and let me not be afraid.

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
guihong
Dec. 29th, 2004 03:37 am (UTC)
I can relate. I almost have to turn off the news, the pictures get to me so much. Though I have not known war, the films remind me of the floods/tornado outbreaks in Ohio when I was a girl, watching the usually placid creek near my home rushing over a bridge.

Just for perspective, I realized the toll (so far) would be as if the population of my town (55,000) evaporated in an instant.

and I love your evening meditation.

gui
rainsinger
Dec. 29th, 2004 07:29 am (UTC)
Just for perspective, I realized the toll (so far) would be as if the population of my town (55,000) evaporated in an instant.


I know. Terrifying, isn't it?

and I love your evening meditation.


Thank you. :)
Although it's not so much a meditation I suppose, as a reaction to stress and anxiety. What I've done when I thought, or feared, I or the people around me were going to die mostly.
ex_myrrhian
Dec. 29th, 2004 05:02 pm (UTC)
*hugs*

I'm trying to track down two in Columbo myself.
rainsinger
Dec. 29th, 2004 08:54 pm (UTC)
:(
I hope you do and that they're all right.
meepettemu
Jan. 1st, 2005 09:51 pm (UTC)
Have you heard yet? Tell me when you do?

Gentle love,

Me
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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rainsinger
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