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And sharing, as I thought a number of people on my f-list would get a kick out of it

I've been trying to figure out quite hard whether this is a joke or not, but either way it is a work of comic genius.

And I'm also hard pressed as to find which signs of dangerous subversive gothisness are my favourite (although number 38 is high on the list; and I adore the fact that Buddhism is listed as a dangerous religion).


Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your
child may have gone astray from the Lord.

Gothic (or Goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous
culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in.
The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counseling, prayer,
and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:

1.Frequently wears black clothing.

2Wears band and/or rock T-shirts.

3Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.

4.Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include:
reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various
other
Satanic
worshipping symbols.

5.Shows an interest in piercing or tattoos.

6.Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of
music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks
against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

7.Associates with other people that dress, act or speak
eccentrically.

8. Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such
as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.

9. Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic,
the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

10.Takes drugs.

11.Drinks alcohol.

12.Is suicidal and/or depressed.

13.Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and
His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

14. Complains of boredom.

15. Sleeps too excessively or too little.

16. Is excessively awake during the night.

17.Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to
vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)

18. Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

19. Spends large amounts of time alone.

20.Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)

21. Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

22. Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and
elders are but a few examples of this.

23. Misbehaves at school.

24. Misbehaves at home.

25. Eats excessively or too little.

26. Eats Goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this. I'm told there's a Count Chocula cereal?

27. Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood.
(Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

28. Watches cable television or any other corrupted media
sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

29. Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

30. Uses the Internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

31. Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

32. Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

33. Expresses an interest in sex.

34. Masturbates

35. Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

36. Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

37. Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

38.Claims to be a Goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

~St. Mary's Catholic Church

Comments

( 24 comments — Leave a comment )
tentaclos
Nov. 28th, 2004 01:45 pm (UTC)
haha.. that's gotta be fake, cause i doubt even the catholics would call "philosophy" a dangerous cult religion. I like number 26, myself.

13.Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. Didn't hardcore catholic monks invent this?
femmerin
Nov. 28th, 2004 09:06 pm (UTC)
well...INVENTED is the wrong word, but there are extreme catholics who use pain as part of their spiritual beliefs.

regardless, that is a point i didnt think of automatically, and it made me smile.
guihong
Nov. 28th, 2004 01:50 pm (UTC)
Oh no, my daughter is a Goth. Let me count the ways:

3. When she gets going with her makeup kit, she looks like Elvira, Mistress of the Dark

5. Wants her ears pierced like the rest of the girls in room 5.

6. If Barney isn't anti-social, I don't know what is.

7. She commonly associates with a 4 year old who chooses his own outfits.

9. Asked me "Mommy, where do we go when we die?"

16. The kid would never sleep if not for warm milk.

18. Demands, "Mommy, I can do it myself"

25. Does eating nothing but hot dogs and peanut butter sandwiches count?

26. Make that Count Chocula and BooBerry.

28. Has been known to watch (gasp) satellite.

33. Has asked, "Are we going to have another baby?"

oh my goodness, I'm raising a little goth *grins*

gui
dubaiyan
Nov. 28th, 2004 02:01 pm (UTC)
eek #30
i want Count Chocula cereal!!
rainsinger
Nov. 28th, 2004 02:05 pm (UTC)
Re: eek #30
for shame woman, think of your immortal soul!
twistedserious
Nov. 28th, 2004 02:51 pm (UTC)
If any of these apply to your child, he or she might be in danger of being a normal teenager... ;oP
rainsinger
Nov. 28th, 2004 02:54 pm (UTC)
*laughs*
I've amused myself by contemplating whether my mother objects to me having peace and quiet because she suspects me of being a Goth.
twistedserious
Nov. 28th, 2004 02:59 pm (UTC)
Nono, she just doesn't want you to be happy. She's your mother, for crien out leoud. ;oP

I, on the other hand, amuse myself by wondering why this stuff upsets people.
rainsinger
Nov. 28th, 2004 03:02 pm (UTC)
I, on the other hand, amuse myself by wondering why this stuff upsets people.

I believe we can chalk that up as one of the reasons why I want to marry you.
twistedserious
Nov. 28th, 2004 03:14 pm (UTC)
Because I question if something is really worth the energy of getting upset about before I actually get upset? *s*

And here I thought it was just because of the pretty face. ;o)
rainsinger
Nov. 28th, 2004 03:16 pm (UTC)
well, actually, it's 'coz you look good in red...
Because I question if something is really worth the energy of getting upset about before I actually get upset? *s*

yes. It's cute, rare, and good thinking. :D

And here I thought it was just because of the pretty face. ;o)

*whispers sekrit confession*
and the pretty nailpolish.
twistedserious
Nov. 28th, 2004 03:24 pm (UTC)
Re: well, actually, it's 'coz you look good in red...
yes. It's cute, rare, and good thinking. :D

*blushes and hides* Well... I do believe I picked the right girl to marry. ;o) Btw, do you want to handle the engagement announcements, or should I?

*whispers sekrit confession*
and the pretty nailpolish.


Does that mean I get to paint your nails...? *s*
rainsinger
Nov. 28th, 2004 03:39 pm (UTC)
Re: well, actually, it's 'coz you look good in red...
*blushes and hides* Well... I do believe I picked the right girl to marry. ;o) Btw, do you want to handle the engagement announcements, or should I?

If you don't mind announcing, I think you'd probably do a better job than I.

Does that mean I get to paint your nails...? *s*

Ooooh, yes please.
I'm also fully prepared to put my hair at your mercy since I fancy some snippage.
twistedserious
Nov. 28th, 2004 03:45 pm (UTC)
Re: well, actually, it's 'coz you look good in red...
If you don't mind announcing, I think you'd probably do a better job than I.

I wouldn't be so sure about that. "Oh, and btw, I'm getting married." *s*
How about we both do it?

Ooooh, yes please.
I'm also fully prepared to put my hair at your mercy since I fancy some snippage.


Seriously? *fingers itching already*
rainsinger
Dec. 1st, 2004 01:11 am (UTC)
Re: well, actually, it's 'coz you look good in red...
How about we both do it?


Okies, but it might be better to leave it a few days when I'm in a less dazed-and-pained state.

Seriously? *fingers itching already*
Absolutely. :)
twistedserious
Dec. 16th, 2004 11:46 pm (UTC)
Re: well, actually, it's 'coz you look good in red...
Whenever you're up for it. *s* I've slowly started breaking it to people. I'm not good at dealing with upset people. *dramatic sigh*

*starts planning haircut, which is quite pointless since I always improvise as soon as scissors connect with hair*
rainsinger
Dec. 17th, 2004 10:51 am (UTC)
Re: well, actually, it's 'coz you look good in red...
Whenever you're up for it. *s* I've slowly started breaking it to people. I'm not good at dealing with upset people. *dramatic sigh*

I'm recovered from all the life and work craziness, so ready. :) How shall we frame it? At the moment I haven't got much beyond *Twistedserious is really cool and we're going to get married*
rainsinger
Dec. 17th, 2004 10:57 am (UTC)
Re: well, actually, it's 'coz you look good in red...
oh, and now that we're engaged and all, can I add you to my AIM/MSN?

I'm mariganne@aol.com on msn
and yndigoskye on AIM
bluedevi
Nov. 28th, 2004 04:13 pm (UTC)
I want a badge that says "Woe Is Me"! And you bet your life Matt would wear one too. We obviously need someone to pray for our souls!
mooism
Nov. 28th, 2004 04:29 pm (UTC)
Rule 38 is wrong. Anyone who claims *not* to be a goth is a goth :-)
lillfive
Nov. 28th, 2004 04:45 pm (UTC)
So that's why I never seem to get on well with
other Christians...I'm actually quite satanic. Who knew?

I don't know why, but I have this horrible sinking feeling
this probably started off as a serious thing somewhere...





casaubon
Nov. 29th, 2004 12:45 am (UTC)
I adore the fact that Buddhism is listed as a dangerous religion

I assume that you've never heard of Baron Ungern-Sternberg?

I think he's my favourite historical pyschopathic lunatic. He was a Buddhist. :D
ninetimestodie
Nov. 29th, 2004 02:20 am (UTC)
Hehe... saw this before, joke for sure.
mzdt
Dec. 1st, 2004 01:52 am (UTC)
has it occured to you how many of these apply to vicars?!

add in gregorian chant and all those candles, and tell me I'm wrong...
( 24 comments — Leave a comment )

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